GraceFULL Moments

Highschool Anxiety

2012-02-13T14:09:00.000-05:00

So, my oldest son turned fourteen a few months ago which means come the fall it will be time for him to begin highschool. There is some serious anxiety happening about this. Not by him, BY ME. How on earth did this happen? When did my beautiful, chubby, easy going, blue eyed baby boy turn into a muscular, handsome, rugged, often emotional young man? Somedays I just don't know how we got here or at least not this quickly. There are days that I myself still feel like a child so I don't know how on earth it is that I have a teenage "man" calling me mom in a very deep voice. I still look for the stranger wandering around our house when I hear "that man" talking. It seems like it crept up on me out of nowhere. Yesterday, he was playing with cars and legos and loved to watch cartoons. Today he totes around a BB gun, wears army fatigues, shaves and talks about learning to drive. For those that fear I am failing at this whole letting go thing don't worry I don't bemoan these things outloud to him. Well, except for the times I force him to cuddle up on the couch next to me and I hug him like a wild woman and call him my baby until he can't take it anymore and flees the scene.

Happy Valentines Day

2012-02-13T13:51:00.001-05:00

May you find the moments with your loved ones sweet, long, comforting and often.

New Years

2011-12-30T21:33:00.000-05:00

This year I seem to be approaching New Year's with a lot more reflection on the past and forethought for the year ahead. Maybe it's because I am getting older, maybe because I need to make some changes, or maybe because life has just been a little slower this year and I've had time to think. It seems I was drawn to ask myself some questions concerning my spiritual, physical and mental health. And then the list came together.

Here are a few things my heart tells me I need to make happen in the coming year:

Consistent, longer daily times with the Lord.
Experiment with more healthy cooking.
Get regular physical exercise.
Read more. Especially about things important to me.
Make time and opportunity for important conversations with my boys.
Learn some new skills like bread baking, crocheting.
Do more scripture memorization.
Continue "dating" my husband each month.

Christmas

2011-12-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful Christmas this year although it did seem to go by way too fast.

Reading...

2011-12-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Winter, or at least colder weather always seems to lend me time to do more reading than usual. I am one of those people that is in the middle of a couple of books at any one time. Usually one on the coffee table in the living room and one on my night stand. It all depends on my mood and interests for that day or week. It's very strange for me since I am quite organized in the other areas of my life but maybe that is why I find great joy in it.

Currently on my "In the middle of it list" is:

One Thousand Gifts

Monique and the Mango Rains

Once I am finished with these two...

Kisses from Katie

I am so thankful that I can read. So many in this world do not have the honor of learning to read and I am grateful.

Beginning to Look Like Christmas Around Here

2011-12-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

The stockings are hung...

The Christmas parade has happened...

The tree is decorated...

The Advent candles have been lit...

The homemade garland has been strung...

The snowman family is on display...

The African nativity is in it's place...

NOW ALL WE NEED IS SNOW!!

Thankful

2011-11-23T11:20:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is American Thanksgiving. As I write the pumpkin pies are cooking in the oven. The house is filled with sweet smelling spices. The kids are bored. The Christmas music is playing in the background. Outside there is snow on the branches from a light, overnight sprinkling. It's the "perfect" holiday mood, right?

My heart is full because I have so much to be thankful for like always. We all do-ALWAYS! Just some years our perspective becomes more clouded than others and we focus on our heartbreaks, our dissapointments, our loneliness, our brokenness.We turn our eyes inward instead of upward.

I am remembering Thanksgiving 2009. It will always be so special to me. It was nothing fancy that is for sure. There was no holiday music, no cold weather ( if fact we were sweating like crazy), no fat, juicy turkey (only a skinny imported one from Brazil that cost a pretty penny), and no abundance of fancy decorations or elaborate spread of food. But there was thanks giving. We had driven out to our friends farm in the bush in Mozambique. They were still in the process of building there house built out of mud, straw and cow dung-yes, literally. There in the scorching heat with our Thanksgiving spread on a wobbly table under the canopy of a landrover we celebrated being together and being thankful that in the midst of a not so comfortable life we could celebrate the ONE that makes life worth living and life worth giving. Amazing!

So today I am thankful to know what true Thanks-giving feels like. Today I am thankful for all those friends I have that continue to lay down their lives daily for the ONE that makes giving thanks possible.

Grandma Sue

2011-10-15T20:53:00.000-04:00

Each time I bend low to scoop up those silver pans that sit beneath my oven I remember her. Although they are worn, scratched and old they are seasoned with love. The tape there on the sides, nearly worn off now, marks her having been here on this earth. I don't want it to go away just like I didn't want her to leave. The pots sit across the kitchen stacked in a cupboard. Each time I feel the weight of them I remember her. How she was strong in her faith and sure of heaven to come.

For years now, I've held them dear. They've traveled the globe with me helping to make new places home. They've reminded when at times I had forgotten that I too will leave this earth and for now my faith is all that truly counts.

Being Emptied

2011-10-13T14:46:00.000-04:00

It comes whether we find ourselves ready for it or not.

It happens slowly but it's as though we don't notice.

Until suddenly, something in us awakens and we see it bursting forth and we find things all different.

Life sprinkles steadily to the ground to be absorbed, all rotten.

There is beauty in even this-the shedding of the old to make way for the new.

It's shedding means life is full of promise.

It requires a stillness and a time of emptiness but life will come again.

We are only emptied so new life can come forth in it's due season.

October....Really?

2011-10-02T20:06:00.000-04:00

I am finding it hard to believe that it is already October. Although the weather is cooling down and the leaves are changing into beautiful colors and even beginning to fall. Time passes so quickly. In a month my first born baby boy will be turning 14. AHHHHH.....not so fast.

What My Boys are Made of...

2011-09-19T21:26:00.000-04:00

Grass stained jeans.
Dirty fingernails.
Constant hunger.
Cardboard guns.
Saturday morning cartoons.
Bruises and scrapes.

Tossing footballs.
Dirty, bare feet.
Lego creations.
Peanut butter and jelly.
Nerf gun wars.
Wrestling.
Bicycles and skateboards.
Newfound acne.
Tree climbing.
Stinky socks.
Adventure books.
And GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL HEARTS!

Spilling Sin

2011-09-08T17:39:00.001-04:00

Again. Really, AGAIN?

The ugliness of my own sin makes me cringe to admit that it happens ~~not so often~~

FAR. TOO. OFTEN.

I watched them, those words of sin,
spilling from my wretched mouth.

Nearly as soon as they came tumbling out
I longed to shove them back in.

To swallow them hard and to choke on them
if that's what it takes.
Lord, help me be a women of few words.
Help me season them with mercy and grace.

^"Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious,

while the lips of a fool consume him."

Ecclesiastes 10:12

Romans...The Depth of His Great Love

2011-09-08T11:59:00.000-04:00

If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago what my favorite book of the Bible was I would have said James. I don't know why...I am weird I guess. Not that James is so uplifting, really it is disturbingly challenging. BUT lately I have been dwelling and soaking in the book of Romans and I am falling in LOVE. I've read it many times before but isn't it like GOD to put you right where you need to be for a moment or a season.

I need Romans and I find it filling the depths of my heart with HIS great love. We, so undeserving, so sinful, so full of our own selfish, prideful flesh. Yet, He, so full of GRACE and immense love that He purposefully lavishes upon us. I know nothing sweeter and I am in awe of such a wonderful savior.

Getting Older

2011-09-08T11:48:00.000-04:00

Today is my 38th birthday. Weird. When you are a kid you think 38 is SO old. Although I am "feeling" 38 more than previous birthdays (it seems so close to 40) many days I still feel like a kid myself. Honestly, there are those days that I look at my husband and boys and wonder how did I get here? How is it possible that I have been married to this man of mine for nearly 15 years? How is it possible that I have two sons in Junior High this year? Funny how life just sneaks by and you find yourself looking back wondering where have so many hours, days, months, years gone.

After Africa

2011-09-08T03:34:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog from After Africa to Grace"FULL" Moments. I felt it was time. After Africa hung almost like a question in the air. Me wondering Lord now what? What is after Africa? I am not sure what the answer is honestly other then living in the moment which I am finding FULL of HIS GRACE which helps me be present with Him here, now.

One Simple Lesson this Year

2011-08-24T14:53:00.002-04:00

Today marks one year since we left our life in Mozambique to return to the States. I can't believe it has been that long already. It has been a year of me trying to learn one simple lesson. I am a very slow learner. God knows my struggle. Being content right where He has called me to. I trust, because I know He knows. If I am confident He has called us to stay in the States for now (which I believe) then to be constantly thinking, dreaming of and hoping to return is not being content in the place I am now. It is a delicate balance to be sure. I do not want to forget Mozambique or those there or the things God taught me while there. I have fears of becoming the typical "American." I teeter on the edge of becoming consumed with things I do not feel are close to the heart of God. There is only so much Walmart, malls, restaurants can fill. There is always that longing deep within meant to filled by only Him. Maybe there lies the real challenge for me. Perhaps that is the real growing I need to do. Here, in this land of good and plenty, where I find it difficult to put off the things of the world, to not become distracted but instead remain focused on HIM alone. Resting in His leading for the moment. Not trying to be somewhere else. Not looking to a place or a person or even a calling to find contentment. But deciding in HIM alone, He is enough. Truly more than enough.

Stone of Remembrance...

2011-08-03T18:44:00.000-04:00

JULY 22nd

The date came and went like it did every year.
Just another day to most but not in our family.
July 22nd marks the day that our youngest son, Nate, fell in a well in Africa and SURVIVED.
Not only did he survive, God rescued Him and then went on to heal him.
Like God commanded the Israelites in Joshua 4
His faithfulness and deliverance is always something worth remembering.

Who Would've Known...

2011-07-26T22:17:00.001-04:00

Who would've known that all these years later, 19 to be exact, that I would still have her as my best friend. That I would still love her. That I would still cherish our chats. That I would still learn so much from her. That she would continuously point me to the cross and help me walk deeper in grace. That we would share our children with one another. That she would be the only one I completely share it all with, openly, honestly. That she would still inspire me to think outside the box and ask myself the hard questions.

Tonight, as I put her son to bed with ours I wonder at the hand of GOD in our lives. To bless us with children that can share memories and moments together, always to be remembered, much like when we met just as girls really. How did God know I needed her in my life? Of course, He knew because she is a gift straight from Him. I am so thankful.

Basking in Books

2011-07-20T20:10:00.001-04:00

One thing I missed in Africa was books. I am not a huge reader but definitely like to from time to time. I also like my boys to read. Generally they read for half an hour every night before bed just to form that habit of loving to read. In our home schooling I am ALL about the books. Of course we follow a curriculum but it is full of literature because by experiencing great books we learn life.
Today we visited the library. Now we have done that already since returning from Africa but this library was different. We live in a small village, called Penacook which is truly part of the capital city of New Hampshire, Concord. We have visited the Penacook library, all two rooms of it. Seriously. So today we decided to take advantage of our status as living in "part" of Concord and went to the larger library there. It was wonderful. I love letting my boys ~~loose~~ free to roam in a library. I find it pretty exciting. The children's section that is. I love watching my guys explore and find books about helicopters, knights, medeival weapons, etc. It screams for me to plant us there for many school days to come in the Fall.

Thankful for the library today.

A Day at the River...

2011-07-11T11:16:00.000-04:00

We live near the river...

it's a beautiful place...

especially for hot summer days...

when you need to cool off...

or have some adventure...

so you can have a different perspective on things...

and see God's handiwork all around you.

The Statistics are Staggering...

2011-07-08T18:10:00.002-04:00

Birth in Africa, Mozambique included, is a dangerous thing. I've always known this and been burdened wondering how and if I could ever make a difference. That is a question still to be answered.
I stumbled upon a documentary about Mozambican "midwives" or at least the closest thing to them. You can watch "Birth of a Surgeon" if you are interested. Caution: It could be considered graphic because of live birth situations. Unfortunately, they are not taught a more holistic approach but instead how to intervene in emergency situations. Don't get me wrong this also desperately needed because of the lack of adequately trained medical professionals and decent medical facilities and really the whole concept of medical care in the Mozambican culture.

Being somewhat informed I still found the statistics staggering.

1 in 9 babies in Mozambique will not live to see their first birthday.

1 in 22 women die giving birth.

Women in Mozambique have a 160% greater risk of dying during pregnancy or delivery than those in western countries.

250,000 women die every year from pregnancy and childbirth complications.

Sub-saharan Africa is the deadliest place on earth to give birth.

The population of Mozambique's capital city Maputo is over 1.2 million and there are only 7 obstetricians.

Most of the country does not have access to prenatal and obstetrical care.

It saddens me and sickens me. It goes so much deeper than just more doctors, more hospitals, more supplies. It goes to the root of women being not valued. It is the lack of care and knowledge given to women.

To be honest I have been concerned for Mozambican friends of ours that are having babies. Two years ago our friend's wife labored for days and finally was given a c-section which I was amazed they were even doing in our local provincal hospital. I was also amazed that she and her baby survived-Praise the Lord! Soon after the birth her husband showed up at our door to give his announcement but also to ask for advice. The medical personnel had shared NOTHING with his wife about how to care for the baby or what to do in problem situations. Her family was not near her as she was living in a different area with her husband than where she came from so she had no one to ask or learn from. The father was worried about how he was ever going to afford to buy milk to feed his baby because the baby was not wanting to eat and he didn't know what to do. He was panicked knowing he did not have the means to fund buying tins of milk powder which to him meant his child was likely going to suffer and die. After calming him and asking some questions I came to discover that his wife's milk had simply not come in yet as it was still to early. No one shared with them that this is normal and not to worry. I encouraged him to tell his wife not to give up and continue and the baby will do well as she is created to feed the baby. I am happy to report that mother and baby both did very well and he is a growing, chubby little boy today. But I do wonder, what if the father had not come and received information. I believe he would have gone and bought a tin of milk and started the baby on it and then been left with a mother that could not offer nourishment to her baby and a baby that needed milk that he simply could not afford to provide. Heartbreaking!

Like I said earlier deep within me is a stirring to somehow, someway make a difference.

Pray with me as I seek the Lord.

I am very happy to report that this little one is about to beat the odds...

Graca Sara will be turning ONE in just a few weeks. To God be the Glory!

My Memorization Project This Summer...

2011-07-06T22:54:00.001-04:00

^{Deuteronomy 6:4-9}

^“4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.

⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

All Kinds of Kisses...

2011-07-06T22:38:00.000-04:00

It is 10:30 pm and my baby boy has just come to kiss me goodnight. It is not any ordinary, boring kiss but our special goodnight kiss ritual. Several months ago he and I designed our very own good night kiss. First it's the batting of eyelashes against one another (butterfly kisses), then noses rubbing (eskimo kisses), then cheek to cheeck, then rubbing chin against chin. Not sure where it really came from but everynight for months he has faithfully come looking for his special kiss. If I am honest there are nights that I have thought not right now or how about we skip just tonight but he is relentless and it takes only about 1.5 seconds for me to melt and remember that not long from now he will no longer come looking for my kisses. So, I will cherish this time and take each special one I can get.

I am not sure how it is possible that this boy is going to be turning 12 tomorrow. I can't fathom where the years have gone. What a treasure he is and I am so thankful that God chose me to be his mom. As long as he is giving out kisses I am determined I will make the time to take them.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

Let Him...

2011-06-25T18:55:00.000-04:00

Somedays I am overwhelmed. Being a foreigner in my own land seems too much. Not feeling I belong but knowing it is where I am meant to be. I long to cross over that wide open ocean once again. To feel the red African dirt between my toes, with the warmth of the Mozambican sun upon my skin. I miss the lush green landscape. The sounds and smells that seem so familiar. The feeling of home.
How do I make sense of dreams and hopes that seem to be shattered, left behind, ripped from underneath. It is simple yet feels so trying. Life goes on, and I am glad it does because that is the way of God. He is forever making all things new. Even me, in my weakness and untrusting. Even my dreams in their shallowness and unseeing eyes. My hopes, I am learning, to leave in Him alone. Not in plans or places or people. Only in Him. My mind tells me that I need a plan, a way to proceed. But from deep within I can hear my spirit cry out who can know the mysteries of God and the best way is to let it be instead of trying to package it all up.

Let Him be my home. Let Him design the dreams. Let Him be my hope. Let it be, to Him.

Dreaming the Impossible...

2011-06-11T20:19:00.000-04:00

There are deep dreams God has placed in the well of my heart. If I am honest there are so many times that I question will those things ever come to pass. I hope for them. But in a precious quiet time before the Lord today, worshipping Him, I was reminded to not focus on those dreams. My spirit was drawn to instead focus on the dream giver. He is worthy of all my trust and confidence. Not just for what I think He wants to do in and through me but for HIS loving tender mercy that He continually pours on me.

It's just a matter of time. It's all fashioned from the very fabric of God. I will wait. I'll be faithful. I was made for loving you.

Abiding with Him

2011-05-24T16:20:00.000-04:00

John 15:7 “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.”

ABIDE……to remain, continue, stay, dwell, reside, continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, to last, endure, sustain, or withstand without yielding, to await, to accept without opposition or question, to act in accord with, to submit to, agree to, to remain steadfast or faithful, to keep.

Blessed to Love Him...

2011-05-24T15:51:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I called my husband at work. I nearly never do this and honestly expected that I would only be leaving a message on the cell phone as usually in the mechanic shop he can't hear it ring anyway. That was fine with me because I just felt the need, the longing to tell him how much I love him and appreciate him. Nothing unique, nothing life shaking, but just to build him up with words and love. The need to express how blessed I know I am to be his wife, his partner in this life. I was surprised when he answered the phone. I had butterflies in my stomach, excited and nervous all at once, telling him why I had called. How blessed am I to be loved by this man that loves me deeply and so well in every way he knows.

Loving Because He is Loved...

2011-05-18T11:46:00.001-04:00

This is Manuel with his wife Laurinda and baby daughter Graca Sara.

He is so very special to us.

You see we first met this amazing young man when he was just a boy.

He lived at the orphanage where we served in Mozambique in 1997.

Each time we have returned to Mozambique we have reconnected with Manuel.

Each time our relationship has deepened.

He calls us mom and dad and we consider him our Mozambican son.

We are so proud of him.

He is walking strongly with the Lord.

He is motivated by God's love to love others, especially orphans.

He is unusual in a country of such hardship that he cares for others above himself.

These are some of the orphans he is currently loving and longing to help.

We know we must play a role but are unsure exactly how.

Will you pray for him?

Will you pray for us?
We can not sit idly by!
Can't we eat rice and beans one day a week so these little ones have something to eat at all?

We are compelled by love from the Father.

We long to make a difference in his life and in these precious little ones lives.

How Lord, how?

Instilling Love

2011-05-16T17:13:00.000-04:00

My boys are 13 and nearly 12 now. I can't believe it. Somedays I wish I could cuddle them still in my arms with their head resting on my shoulder like when they were infants and wanted to snuggle after just waking up from a nap. How sweet those days were. These days however are just as sweet. Instead of snuggling them on my shoulder (although I still do snuggle them quite often even if they will soon be taller than me) I find myself pouring love into them verbally, mentally, emotionally. They are looking for instruction in how relationships in this world work and I get the gift of filling them with love and assurance. I have the honor of teaching them that LOVE is worth the risk and that even when human beings dissapoint God never does.

My only regret is I do not take advantage of the opportunity enough and miss times of instilling love.

Being a Sender

2011-05-05T12:42:00.000-04:00

I am living life on a different side of the ocean these days, different side of the world for that matter. It has been a slow process to re-integrate back into "this" life and honestly most days it has felt like we are alone on a deserted island with barely a life raft to grab on to. It is difficult to describe and difficult to understand I imagine. I am only learning how to process it all and keep from feeling like you are sinking and getting lost in the unknown. How odd it feels to be in "your HOME country" yet feel so out of place, so not a part, and so completely foreign. Processing through all of these emotions and transitions has made me that much more passionate about missions and supporting the missionaries. I know how they feel on the other side of the ocean when some days it seems that you are out of sight, out of mind. I know the stress you endure to live and function in a totally different culture. I know the pressure you feel to perform for everyone so they stay interested, engaged and supportive. It is not easy and that is why I am so excited to be a part of "Being a Sender." What a privledge to encourage, support and help equip missionaries to fulfill their God given callings. What a responsibility to love them well, stand with them in all things and do our part. I am honored.

Funny Things You Find...

2011-05-04T22:21:00.001-04:00

So, today I was sorting through some files on our computer and came across some titles I thought were pretty funny.....

How to Butcher a Turkey

Fuzzy Little Bear

23 Questions to Ask Your Kids

Making Cheese

Africa Needs God

Ice Cream Thermodynamics

Human Body Art

Trauma vs. Illness

Preparing for Re-entry

Remembering the Suffering

2011-04-22T23:52:00.001-04:00

I have been thinking and praying about something over the last few weeks. I've desired to truly observe "Good Friday" and take pause to contemplate and celebrate all that it means. After talking with Marc, my husband about it I decided to move ahead. So tonight, I watched the movie, "The Passion", with my boys. They are 13 and nearly 12 now. Honestly, I hesitated when the idea first came to mind. We are pretty selective about what we let them watch, some may call it "over protective" which I don't believe is possible in most cases anyway, but that is for another day. However, I felt it was time for them to see and feel the sacrafice that Christ made on the cross, for me and for them. Obviously, they are growing up in our household, one of faith, but I sensed that it was time for the uncomfortableness and difficult truth of Christ's suffering to be observed more deeply. It was such a catalyst for awesome discussion and explanation. The pause button was our friend as I explained in different ways how He chose to walk that path for each of us, for the Father. We came face to face with ugly, sinful humanity....the same type we wear. We talked of Daddy's crown of thorns he discovered in the African bush that sat in his office in Africa. It became real...so very real.

This Easter season seems somehow more sacred to me than years past. I don't know why. My tendency is to draw away from the religious celebrations and worldly interpretations to a quiet place. A place of contemplation where I come face to face with this GREAT sacraficial love on my behalf. Perhaps Easter Sunday will find me on the beach, quietly observing His creation, giving thanks in my heart for His grace that covers the multitude of my sins and for the power of the cross over death and sin. And I sure do wish that crown of thorns had made it's way back to the States with us as a reminder. I believe I could stare at it a thousand times and a thousand times be brought to my knees in a different way.

The Perfect Ending...

2011-04-20T16:07:00.000-04:00

So, I finally realized a couple of weeks ago that our original website only told the story of Nate's well up to the point of going to Shriner's Hospital in Tampa for the first time and hearing that they could not do corrective surgery at that time. Shame on me for not telling the rest of the story sooner.

We had our second Shriner's appointment in June of 2008. Remember they had made it clear that he was going to have to have corrective surgery but they wanted to wait and do it in the future at some point. This put our life in a holding pattern as our original intention was to return to Mozambique as soon as he had recovered. Anyway, back to June of 2008. We went to Shriners and had new x-rays retaken which is the normal upon arrival at the hospital. We waited in the examining room until the doctor came in to share the results. She came in with a strange look on her face and excitement and confusion on her face all at the same time. She held the previous x-rays and the current days x-rays up for us to see and showed us the comparison. She was baffled because the current x-ray showed that his leg had been corrected. There was no longer a large discrepancy in the bone and unexplainably (to her) that leg was now healed. She even called another doctor in from the hallway to show her the comparison.We were so excited yet not surprised as MANY had been praying for Nate to be healed the whole time since his original accident. We boldly explained to her that WE KNEW HOW IT HAPPENED-GOD! She looked a little skeptical but had to admit she didn't know how it happened but that it had as she had the proof in front of her.

Nate climbing Cabeca do Velho (The Old Man's Head) Mountain in Mozambique - May 2009

Healing of Nate's leg opened up the door for us to return to Mozambique once again which we did in February of 2009. We will never stop sharing that God miraculously healed our boy. How great is our God? How fantastic that although we did not understand at the time of his accident or again when his leg did not heal correctly how God would receive the glory HE HAS and continues. His ways are far above our ways....and I would never change any part of Nate's well testimony because it has provided our family opportunity to worship and glorify HIM more and given Nate a living, walking (literally) testimony of God's great grace and mercy.

The Rest of the Story...Almost

2011-04-15T19:15:00.002-04:00

October/November: Well we have decided after much prayer, seeking counsel and heart wrenching that we are going to leave the orphanage for the time being and go to South Africa to get a consultation with an orthopedic surgeon to determine what we should do next for Nate. We do not feel comfortable pursuing further treatment in Zimbabwe because of the poor living conditions, instability in the region and the limitation to Dr. Kitcat's experience in this area. So off to a doctor in South Africa. We will have to make the trip by car (one borrowed from a friend) through Zimbabwe which will be a challenge as there is no fuel available but we will carry extra fuel with us from Mozambique and should be alright to make it into South Africa as long as we do not have any break downs. The orphanage is going through some rough transitions right now and it looks as though we will not have a base to return to once we have left.

November 2007: We have been blessed to visit an orthopedic surgeon here in South Africa that was recommended by a friend in Mozambique. He is an amazing doctor. He works with a foundation that provides free care to missionaries. He examined Nate and agreed with other opinions we have received via email consultations that Nate's left leg needs to have corrective surgery. He took the time to explain the probable procedures and has offered to do follow-up care in the future if needed. He wanted to know why Nate was not yet walking without assistance. He removed the moon boot off of his right leg and had him right there in his office practice walking again without even his crutches. Nate was scared and excited at the same time but he did awesome. He has kind of become accustomed to his crutches so it was intimidating for him to walk without them. What a moment of joy for us to be able to see that he is going to be alright again. We have decided that we will return home to seek the needed medical care. So a few more days in South Africa and then we are off to the US again. Update....Returning Home We are off to America! We have applied to Shriner's Children's Hospital in Tampa, FL via email and Andrea's parents doing the leg work and now wait to see if Nate will be accepted as a patient. It would be an answer to prayer as we do not have medical insurance and they specialize in pediatric orthopedics. This is our best course of action right now and although we are sad to leave Africa we are ready for an emotional, physical and spiritual break. These last few months have been HARD. Not only dealing with Nate's accident and recovery but the turmoil at the base and being left in charge of everything has felt like more than we could bear but GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL!

Late November from the USA: We have returned home but not without some drama. We made it onto our flight without a problem but both of the boys were very sick on the plane home. Micah had been sick for a couple of days and finally recovered mostly on the second part of the plane ride. Nate took a turn for the worse and has suffered from diarrhea and too much vomitting along with a fever etc. I thought he had malaria and began treating him but even the medicine will not stay down. So we took him to the ER where they admitted him because of severe dehydration and to rule out malaria. It turns out he just has a bad case of gastroenteritis and dehydration and is now on the mend. We have a praise and that is he has been accepted as a patient at Shriner's and will have his first appointment January 9th. His liver levels are highly elevated so we ask your prayers that those return to normal. The doctor says it could be a result of the malaria preventative medicine, him having had malaria in Africa and the dehydration. She is not sure how long it will take for them to return to normal.

Thanks for Praying WE ARE CELEBRATING THE SMALL VICTORIES, DAY BY DAY!
We had Nate's liver levels rechecked. They have dramatically & quickly returned to normal. PRAISE the LORD! Thank you to the many that have continued to pray for him. We are grateful for everyone's love and concern.

January, 2008 Shriner's Visit: At first we were not sure that we were going to make it in time to the 1:00 appointment because of a 70 car pile up on I-4 in between Orlando and Tampa where we were traveling. The Lord protected us from being involved in the tragedy by us being delayed in having breakfast with Andrea's mom before leaving town. Once in the area of the tragic accident we came upon a helicopter on the highway, many highway patrol cars, ambulances, and fire trucks. We did not know what was happening but followed the signs for detour and the long line of traffic. Later while traveling along at a turtles pace we turned on the radio and realized what was happening. We were detoured and the 2 1/2 hour trip ended up taking us 4 hours but we are grateful that we made it safely and on time.

Once checked in the doctors xrayed Nate's legs, did a very thorough examination and then sat down with us for a consultation and to share their care plan for him. We were surprised when they recommended that HE NOT have surgery at this point. In detail, they explained why he can't have surgery now primarily because they can not determine how injured the growth plates are from the fractures on both legs. If they were to do surgery now they fear they could damage the growth plates permanently or they would correct something that will need to be redone again. He obviously has deformities in the bones but they need to wait and see as he grows if the bones are going to remold which is common at his young age or if the deformities are going to get worse. So at this point their care plan is to see him every four months for new xrays, an exam and to re-evaluate him. Only as they do this will they be able to determine if and when he is going to have surgery. Like I said before we were shocked but we are confident in their decision as they specialize in pediatric orthopedics, particularly growth plate injuries and leg length discrepancy. We are grateful that Nate does not have to go through surgery again at this point as we were unsure how he would handle it emotionally. He has been quite traumatized by his hospital experiences to date and needs a break.

SO what does this mean for us as a family. Well although our hearts long to go back overseas we know God knows best. Our hearts are learning to adjust and we must trust that His plan is better than ours. We have met with the director of Teen Missions and at this point we all feel it is best to serve here at the headquarters. It is a vital ministry, supporting the world-wide efforts going on and getting ready for the upcoming summer teams that will take hundreds of American and Canadian kids on short-term mission trips this year with the prayer and hope that they will catch the vision for world-wide missions. We will lead a team this summer and are currently praying about what team that will be. Until then, Marc will continue working in the maintenance department, Andrea will be teaching medical missions at the Bible school and going to work in the afternoons. We thank each of you for praying for us. Please continue to keep us in mind and in your prayers as we seek the Lord's leading day by day. We pray His will be done with Nate's healing as well.

More of the Story

2011-03-31T18:09:00.000-04:00

Here is the next part of Nate's story through other email updates written in 2007.....

August 2007
Nate has been released from the hospital after two weeks and it looks like finally we will be able to go home to Mozambique to settle in in the next few days. We had only been in Africa 10 days when this accident happened so we are looking forward to unpacking the rest of the way and settling into ministry. We know things are not going to be easy with Nate requiring constant care but we also know that God knows that and all we can do is be GRATEFUL that he is alive and still with us.

Update: Well it has taken us over a week to return to Mozambique due to needing to wait to have our passports brought to us from Mozambique and to have our new visas granted. We are so grateful that Jeff & Libby Foster have allowed us to graciously stay in their cottage for free. It ss a challenge in Zimbabwe. The cottage was without power all day, every day. It returned between 9-10 pm so that is when we tried to cook food for the next day or else we would cook over the open fire outside. Marc walks about 45 minutes each way into town in search of food and things we need like soap, TP, etc. It's not an easy task as there was not much on the shelves in the stores and if there was something like milk or bread it was gone within seconds as the mob of desperate people fight for survival.

September 2007
We managed to get back to Mozambique from Nate's doctors appointment. We are troubled by the fact that the doctor says according to xray that his left femur bone has slipped and did not heal properly. It has already formed new bone and is joined under the knee, not lined up properly which will cause problems in the future.

October 2007
We have gone to see Dr. Kitcat, Nate's surgeon in Zimbabwe. It was a longer trip than we expected it to be. We thought we were going in for a day, having his casts removed and then returning to Mozambique, but that was not to be. He removed his left leg cast only and has said we must return to him for at least a week in order for the right leg cast to come off and for him to be fitted with a "moon boot" (an air cast boot) and have physical therapy. He was pleasantly surprised about how much range of motion Nate had in his left leg although that bone did not heal properly. He can bend it about 85 degrees. We are not sure how much of that he will be able to regain if any but we are continuing to pray for God to heal him completely. We will return next week to have the other cast removed and see how that leg is doing.

October #2 We have returned to Zimbabwe. Things are going down hill here fast. Food is becoming increasingly more difficult to find and in some parts of town the electricity is off all the time now. We have decided to stay at a guest house in town instead of in Dr. Fosters cottage for a couple of reasons. The guest house has electricity almost all the time and is in close walking distance to town and the doctors office. We have seen doctor Kitcat and Nate has had his other cast removed and been fitted with the moon boot. He can still not bear weight on his left leg at all and walks with crutches. We have had a physical therapy session which basically only entailed teaching Nate how to walk on crutches. It does not seem we will be receiving any true physical therapy here so we have information from Marc's family via internet and will do exercises with him ourselves at home to improve some range of motion and build back his lost muscle mass. We are still praying about what we should do long term for his best chance at full recovery. We are so grateful for Dr. Kitcat but he does not specialize in pediatric orthopedics and the situation economically is declining rapidly here in Zimbabwe. Even the hospital is having to run on generators.

May We Never Forget

2011-03-25T22:12:00.000-04:00

This is an email I wrote back in 2007. Wow, this brings back lots of memories and floods my heart with gratitude all over again. How easily we forget the mystery, treasures, and mercy of God. May our lives continue to honor and praise Him all the days of our lives. And to think the story got even better, but that is for next time....

"Well, where do you begin recording the hardest last 5 days of your life. As most of you know and for those that don't we are sorry we have not had time, opportunity or energy to get ahold of you yet. This past Sunday afternoon, our little one Nate fell into a 20 m or 60 + foot dry well. We were visiting friends at Maforga mission with the American team from Teen Missions and having lunch at the directors home. The kids were all playing in the yard when we heard a horrible crash. Our first thought was that something large and metal had rolled into their truck. But within seconds kids were screaming and Micah came running with a look of horror on his face saying Nate fell.
Once we made our way around the corner of the building it became obvious to everyone that this was bad and that Nate had not just fallen but had crashed through some tin roofing that was placed over the opening to an old well and had fallen over 60 feet to the bottom. We heard him crying and moaning so our first reaction was that at least for the moment he was alive but we didn't know for how long. I remember seeing the look on peoples faces like there was no way he would ever come out of that hole alive.
Everyone first reaction was to pray. We had attended church on the property just a couple of hours before and the message given by Simon Mudiwa who is the coordinator of the work for Teen Missions here in Mozambique was that when bad news or bad things come our first response must be to pray and call out to the Lord. Thank you Lord for that word and your perfect timing. You see there was nothing else we could do except call out to the Lord and beg for Nate's life to be spared. It all seems to be somewhat of a blur as you can imagine but things moved quickly and efficiently. The Lord has made provision for every need in the situation. There happened and by happened I mean God ordained that there would be two nurses there with us that immediately started gathering needed supplies and making provision for treating him, some of the men began gathering ropes and vehicles to be used to pull him up.
A man from South Africa who we had just met immediately set to making a harness like rock climbers use to lower himself into the hole to get Nate. We have found out since he has never been rock climbing or tied those knots before but God moved his hands exactly as they needed to go in order for him to be lowered and for the harness to fit Nate to be brought out. The director Roy immediately called his friend, a pediatrician in Zimbabwe to make sure he would meet us at the clinic and asked that he get his friend Dr. Kitcat, the best surgeon in Zimbabwe to work on Nate. It only took a few minutes to get Nate out of the well and honestly we were scared about what we would see once he was out.
He was talking but mostly moaning and screaming. We had no idea how he had gone in and how he was going to come out. He was pulled out and placed on a board as a backboard. It was obvious he has fractured his right and left leg and probably fractured his left arm as well. There was blood coming from his nose and mouth. He was beginning to show signs of shock and we knew it would be a miracle if he survived let alone survived without any head injury or spinal damage. You cannot fall the equivalent of 5-6 story's without angels carrying you and survive. After what seemed like an eternity he was splinted put on a stretcher and placed in the back of a pickup with Marc and a nurse. Andrea, Micah and others rode in the front. We met up with Simon from Teen Missions with a vehicle that the strectcher would fit into on the main road as we raced to the border. It is an hour and a half drive to Zimbabwe's border.
Andrea, Micah and the director and his wife rushed on ahead to get visas as we know it normally takes 1 1/2 hours to get visas at the border. Marc, Nate, the nurse and Simon came behind. We cleared the border in record time and the van with Nate in it arrived just in time to go through about 10 minutes behind. We then went to the clinic where the doctor came, checked him, took xrays and established his injuries. He was unsure if he had injured his neck, back, head etc but dealt with what was in front of him. Nate had shattered his right ankle and snapped the left thigh bone right above the knee rotating the socket and making them completely out of line. He has dislocated his left elbow and apparently nothing else obvious. The doctors were most concerned about shock and as his BP fell all we could do was continue to pray and ask God to undertake for him.

Perhaps one of the most difficult things I have done in my life is to sit by his bedside listening to him groan and cry out in pain begging someone to please help him to make the pain go away. As a mother that is heart wrenching but all I could do was put him once again into Jesus' hands and beg for mercy. God was merciful beyond anything that we will ever comprehend. He has taken what the enemy meant for harm and turned it into a testimony of His grace and glory. The surgeon performed surgery on Monday morning. It took about 3 hours or so and helped to relieve his pain greatly. He has been drugged for the first few days but is now coming around and it is becoming obvious that he is his normal self. He has his sense of humor back, his rambunxious nature, and inability to sit still. He is in bed. His left leg has a full cast with a metal pin through it which they had to use to put his leg back in position. His right leg has a cast from his toes to his knee. His right arm is in a sling for three weeks. He will be in bed at the hospital for at least two weeks and then we are told it will be about another 8-12 weeks in casts. The doctor seemed reassured that he will walk again and be active without any trouble.

We say all of this to say we want to give God all the glory and honor for saving our boys life and for using him as a testimony to all of the doctors and hospital staff that hear us tell them it is only by God's grace that He is alive. They ask us over and over are you sure it was a 20 m fall. Yes, we tell them, God saved him. May we always give God the glory for each part of this event.

We are doing ok here in Zimbabwe. The pediatricican that first saw Nate has a small cottage that he has let Marc and Micah stay in free. Things are not good here as far as it is difficult to find and buy basic things like bread, soap, etc because of the crisis that the country is in financially. The doctors have been gracious to us and have been completely giving and compassionate. The first five days in the hospital cost 46, 000, 000 zimbabwe dollars. Because of the insane inflation that is about 266 usd. At the bank our money would only be worth 250 zim per 1 usd but everywhere else it is worth 180, 000 zim per 1 us. It is a crisis situation but at the present time we feel safe and know that we can trust the Lord for this part of this journey as well. We are able to receive US funds through Andrea's sister via Western Union wire transfer so that was a blessing as we had no US with us until this morning.
Please continue to pray with us for Nate's recovery. Please praise the Lord for His goodness and faithfulness to our family. May He be glorified through all of this.

With love and appreciation for everything,

Andrea ( and the family) "

Figment of My Imagination

2011-03-25T21:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so apparently the Spring I thought was so quickly coming and nearly here was instead just a figment of my imagination because this is what this past week has looked like around here. NOT Spring!

Mozambique Orphans

2011-03-21T20:59:00.000-04:00

I Will Bring Praise

2011-03-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

This morning while worshipping at church I could not get away from these words:

"All of my life,

in every season,

You are still God.

I have a reason to sing.

I have a reason to worship."

It was if God's voice was whispering to me that He knows this is a different season for me

but He is still God and wants me to continue singing and worshipping Him through it all.

God's Resonsible for the Increase

2011-03-18T18:00:00.000-04:00

This is an email we received a couple of months ago from our Mozambican friend, Antonio. When we originally met Antonio he was a Bible school student, then a staff member at the mission base we were overseeing. He was a great blessing to Marc and we have maintained a relationship with him even though we were no longer working together when last in Mozambique. What a blessing to trust in God, the one that gives increase and promises that no seeds that are planted will return without a yield. I am not sure I am capable of truly explaining how uncommon and how wonderful it is to hear Antonio, allow God to birth a vision in Him to care and minister to his own people.
"Hi Dear Pavkov’s,

Greetings with peace of the King of kings!! We are fine. It has passed a long time that we don’t communicate.

I would like to thank God for opening the opportunity for us to meet as one family. Also, I want to thank you for impacting Mozambicans especially me. I learned a lot from you guys. It's about one year since I left working with my former mission and am now working with the Sena tribe in Sofala province. I am a teacher of the Bible School training offered under Africa wa Yesu Mission (Africa for Jesus). Also, I have received a vision from God. The vision is to minister to ELDERLY’S HEARTS especially vulnerable widows. I’m taking it seriously. The vision is to impact them in three different areas: spiritually, morally and physically. In Sofala it is different with Manica province (where we were based and met Antonio). The land is not good for production. People suffer with hunger. You can have no idea howdifficult it is for the widows to be surviving . Those are real widows whose husbands died during war conflicts and some with different kind of illness.
So many of them are rejected with their relatives. Witchcraft and those things brings bitterness in their lives. Please pray with me. You know to start some thing is a challenge. I don’t speak theSena language. I have to find someone to translate for me. I don’t have the resources to support the vision. I HAVE to focus on teaching the word of God, telling them the position that they have in God. Bible studies will take key place, feeding them with word of God, prayers, helping them to grow in spiritual stuff. I have to deal with their culture and habits. The idea is to help them with physical needs like food, house for those that doesn’t have, clothing them, and taking care of them. We cannot just minister the word then say go in peace, while they are in need."

Spring

2011-03-15T17:02:00.002-04:00

It is 54 degrees today as I sit looking out our office window. It seems Spring has just about come. Winter has nearly passed and the deadness is almost a thing of the past. Trees are beginning to bring about new green buds. Water is raging in the river behind our house from melting snow. Both of these speaking of new life. Often, I am so like these dead trees and parched land that desperately needs sun and water to bring it back to life. Trees need sunlight to warm it and breath new life into it. I need Jesus, the Son to do the same for me. Land needs water. I need the water of the Holy Spirit to quench my weary heart and make living streams flow.

Imagining Grief

2011-03-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

I imagine grief to be a wave of emotion that completely blindsides you, washes over you and overwhelms you or sometimes a sensing of a low rumble heading your way and you trying to brace yourself for its arrival. Although I have not suffered great grief in my life by losing a loved one, I feel I have been met face to face with loss. It is heart wrenching and most often comes out of nowhere and I find myself caught, unprepared.

There is Rosa, our orphan that died last year, literally starving to death. I cry for her. I wish things were different and that we had reached her in time to make a difference. I am frustrated that all she needed was food. WHY did this baby die of hunger merely because her father was too poor to care for her? It angers me. I wonder if anyone even notices she is gone from this earth. I remember and my heart breaks for her.

There is Farofa, the little one I so desperately feel in love with and imagined making part of our family. I cry for him. I wonder if he is alive, has enough food, is healthy, has a warm place to sleep, still able to attend school, and has someone to give him a hug everyday and tell him they love him. I love him and am sad that I can't.

My heart is for the orphan. I see their suffering. My heart longs to care for them. They are so alone. They desperately need love and compassion. They need to be remembered, not forgotten. I long to walk beside them and shelter them against this cruel world. I want to feed them, clothe them, shower affection on them, encourage them, and share with them God's great love and passion for them.

I don't know how to process these loses except to pour them at the feet of Jesus. Thankfully that is the best place for this heartache to be. Here is is safe in the arms of the one who loves and cares the most.

Our Latest News

2011-03-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

Choosing to Live Grateful

Most of us come to points in our lives where we struggle to see the blessings that surround us and instead focus on the shortcomings. Maybe it is in physical ways like material items, relationships, health and finances. Maybe it is in our own personal attributes like talents, giftings, and the purpose for our lives. Regardless, what we believe, even lies, can cause us to see ourselves as something different, something less than what we truly are and what God made us to become. When we have this clouded vision we cling to discontentment and find ourselves focusing on all the wrong things.

These last few months have been a struggle for us. We have felt like fish out of water, not sure where we belong or what world we are supposed to fit into. Although, we are confident this is where we belong for now we still have questions. At times we feel inadequate, incomplete, incompetent, injured and overwhelmed. But like so many times before, God in His magnificent grace, has drawn us to Himself and shown us that in our lacking He is more than enough. When we turn our eyes on Him we find He is the fulfillment of all that we need. He is waiting to carry our burdens. We simply must choose to shift our eyes from the temporal, circumstantial things to the eternal, God breathed things.

We’ve been discovering that finding this place of rest and peace come from choosing to live GRATEFUL. Each time we face an unknown we are choosing to see the blessings, to walk in contentment. We are striving to remember that His Word tells us that He will never leave us or forsake us. NEVER. When we face new challenges and struggles brought on by life and sometimes even our own weak flesh we are choosing to look to Him because he has met our needs like none other can.

Living GRATEFUL comes naturally when we understand that we are NOTHING without His grace. We recognize our deep need and weakness so His power and plan are not lost mingled amongst our flesh. We choose to walk by the spirit and not the flesh and remain grateful for His great love and grace that makes it possible to find joy amongst heartbreak and peace amongst confusion.

We want to thank you for your love and prayers that have lifted us up and helped us adjust to this new path. We are so grateful for those that walk along this journey with us. We do not know what the future holds but our prayer is that God will be glorified in all things.

Prayer Points

· Intimacy with the Lord.

· Wisdom raising the boys.

· Discernment for ministry involvement.

· Fellowship in home school.

· Godly friendships.

· Diligence for Andrea as she pursues Medical Transcriptionist training.

· Health, Provision & Safety for friends in Mozambique.

We’ve Moved….We’ve been blessed to find a great rental house for a great deal. Our family has enjoyed opening boxes that have been gathering dust for months.
Our new address:
The Pavkov Family
10 Lookout Circle
Penacook, NH 03303
Home Phone #603-753-2530

Cooking Stateside

2011-03-06T17:30:00.000-05:00

So, one of the things I have really missed not having our own place, like most woman would I imagine, is not having my own kitchen. I enjoy cooking and baking because it makes me feel as though I am caring for my family in a tangible way. In Africa, you learn to be creative and resourceful as many ingredients are not available. You also learn to cook and bake a lot from scratch because there are not many prepared items and what few they have are usually outrageously priced. So I thank Africa for teaching me to love to cook and bake. Tonight is the first night I am making a real meal since landing in our new place. On the menu for this evening.......

Honey Teriyaki Chicken Breasts

Rice Pilaf

Fresh Garlic Pepper and Herb Roasted Green Beans

Garden Salad

and for Dessert

Brownies topped with Cherry Vanilla Frozen Yogurt

I am pretty popular around here tonight. Haven't you heard that a way to a man's (our young man's) heart is through his stomach. VOILA....I am firmly planted in all three of my men's hearts tonight.

Moved

2011-03-04T21:31:00.000-05:00

We are in our new home. It is nice to unpack and find a place for things. I still need to find the silverware and scissors but these things take time. My goal this weekend is to get the school room in order so Monday we can hit the books again after our week of ~~moving~~ vacation. We all are loving it. We feel at peace here.

Lately, I have been thinking hearts need a home as well. I am finding that at times mine feels like it is stretched out across the ocean, still attached to Africa and the people we left behind. I am not sure that I will ever lose that sense and maybe I am not supposed to really. When I look back over my life, I can see attachments of my heart scattered all across the globe because of the people I have been privlidged to share my life with to this point. What a treasure, even when it's painful. I thank the Lord for each one He has placed in my life. I am realizing that home for my heart needs to be with the Lord alone. Not a place, not a people, but in Him. He gives me the gift of loving others, discovering new places, but only so my heart can grow more toward Him.

Moving Again...

2011-02-22T22:01:00.001-05:00

Once again we are packing up boxes and preparing to move our lives from one place to another. It seems we do this quite often. I am hoping that soon we will stop making a habit of it, at least for a little while. We will be moving into a rental house one week from tomorrow. We are excited to unpack and see what we have packed away. We didn't really keep much here in the US when we moved to Africa except family heirlooms and photo albums but have been collecting things here and there since we decided to remain in the US. So it will be fun, kind of like Christmas. If you are interested in having our new address you can email us and we will send that out to you ASAP. Appreciate your prayers through this newest transition.

Bumps in the Road

2011-02-17T19:52:00.001-05:00

Today the boys and I were driving along the road. Any of you that have lived in the north know that after a cold winter and then a few days of warm weather you get the wonderful pleasure of FROST HEAVES. We were bumping along over the frost heaves when Micah suddenly yelled out, "Is that all you've got America? Bring it on!" After bursting out in laughter I looked at him and asked, "What in the world are you talking about?" He says, "Mom, these frost heaves have nothing on the roads in Mozambique." I had to laugh. He's right. There is nothing quite as bumpy as the roads in Mozambique. Not even frost heaves in New Hampshire. My boy sure can make me smile.

Changes

2011-02-15T20:29:00.000-05:00

Life is changing again for us. We are packing. We are moving soon. We will leave my sister's home in the next couple of weeks. Finally, we will be able to unpack bags that have been lingering for six months. We are excited but I am understanding that very soon things will never be the same. You see, my nephew is 17, a senior in high school and in a few short months he will be heading off to army bootcamp. I can't believe it. I was there the day he was born as my sister labored him into this world. Time has gone so fast. He is changing into a man before our eyes. I am watching my sister let him go so he can take off and become who he needs to be. It is so interesting to watch yet scary because I know before too long it will be my turn. I don't think I am ready but then I am not sure a mother ever truly is, right?

My nephew Tailor.

The cousins together.

Life's Heartaches

2011-02-15T20:14:00.000-05:00

This is a message I left on someone's blog today. They are a missionary couple to Haiti that lost their youngest daughter to cancer last week. She was four. My heart breaks for them. I can't imagine yet in a way I know some of their struggle. Not losing their child of course but the emotions of wondering if you will lose your child. After writing the message it occured to me that it really expresses how very much we all need Jesus. How He wants to walk with us through it all....carrying us, loving us, healing us, breathing for us. Remind me daily of that Lord, I pray.

"In many ways although we don’t know one another our lives are similar. We too were missionaries serving in a foreign land. We too have faced losing our child. We too have crumbled at the feet of Jesus needing Him to carry us because we couldn’t take another breath without Him. Although, we endured hardship and heartbreak we did not lose our son. He remains with us on this earth. We are so sorry that your little girl is not with you here. We pray for you. We pray for Isabella, your daughter remaining with you. We share the burden of your suffering as we carry it to the cross each day asking Jesus to strengthen you and fill you so you can keep walking in Him alone. Today as my husband and I were talking about your great suffering we were discussing how often in this life we think once we get to heaven we will have questions for the Lord of WHY things happened but really more than likely when we get to heaven with Jesus it will not matter the why because we will be fully absorbed in worship to Him who sits on the throne. Hallelujah! I encourage you take those quiet, resting times to just simply be in His presence so He can fill you and give you the strength to face each new day. It is obvious you do so….continue so He can linger with you in those quiet places and heal your heart. This is our prayer for you as well:

Is. 40:31

“But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint. “

May it be for all of us!

Forgetful, but Not Forgotten

2011-02-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

So, lately I have noticed a disturbing trend with myself. I am forgetful of things in Mozambique. It all started quite innocently really. I was doing our taxes this week and had to riffle through our receipts of our life the past year. Receipts could tell a story that is for sure. Memories came flooding back but I had a hard time trying to instantly recall the names of restaurants, stores, and people. It made me sad. Then today my friend Esther, who is a missionary on furlough here in the US from Mozambique right now, called and I didn't recognize her voice on the phone. It disturbed me. Our life has been one of many changes and transition, especially in the last couple of years. I guess you could call us gypsies or nomads of sorts. It is hard at times to feel as though you have no roots and that your life is in constant motion. I am grateful that all along our paths God has always gifted us with friends and fellowship. It just makes me sad that some days you take a quick glance back and wonder did all that really happen? Were those people really a part of my life? So strange, yet although I may be forgetful those precious gifts from the Lord are not forgotten. Never.

Dissapointed

2011-02-09T23:06:00.000-05:00

Not much to say except we are quite disappointed. We found out today that the bank did not accept our offer on the house we were hoping for but instead took one of the 5 other offers. Not sure what we will do next. I think we will likely rent since we are emotionally exhausted and feeling an urgency to find a place to call home. We will keep you updated.

A New House on the Radar...

2011-02-04T22:39:00.000-05:00

So, it may not look like much but this is what our hearts are hoping for these days. It is a house that just came on the market this week and caught us by surprise. On a whim, we decided to go see it and voila it seems to be the house we have fallen for and would love to buy. Some places just feel like home right away. We currently have an offer in on it and should hopefully hear back next week.

We are just trying to keep hope and pray that it works out.

The front of the house at 102 Canterbury Road

The view from the driveway

The view from the back deck. That is a pool under all that snow.

Micah feeling right at home trapsing through the woods.

Looking at the house from the back yard.

Looking at the backside of the house from the side/back yard.

Choosing to Live Grateful

2011-02-02T00:20:00.000-05:00

Like most people I know, I dwell on the difficulties, the missing things. I live ungrateful. I only see my "suffering." Being focused on all the wrong things. Choosing to think on the struggles of living as a family in a small room, feeling out of place here in the US, missing friends, desiring a true sense of fellowship, wondering what our future holds, and longing to find significance in our new reality.

Then I find others that are truly suffering.

An American couple that are missionaries to Haiti. Their youngest daughter, who is four seemed to be fighting a lingering case of malaria only to find out that instead she is dying of cancer that has ravaged her little body. I know only a glimpse of the pain that comes from seeing your child physically suffer and having to wonder if you will lose them. I can't imagine but I am humbled. Ashamed at my weakness, my pride, my sin.

A wife and mother in Canada that has suffered an unimaginable nightmare. She and her husband were driving with their four children when an oncoming car smashed into them. Her husband died. She and her children survived. They remain in hospital with casts, wheelchairs, broken bones, scars and bodies littered with shards of broken glass. How does she go on? Why do I take my husband and sons for granted all too often? Jesus forgive me.

I am brought to my knees, seeking to be different. Choosing to remember all I have that is wonderful and lovely in this life. Help me Lord to live grateful.

House Hunt

2011-01-25T15:16:00.000-05:00

We are still in the process of trying to buy a house. We have two that we are vascillating about and contemplating putting in an offer on both of them to see which one comes back positively. I am not sure either of us have the emotional energy and strength to keep going forward in this endeavor. We try to continually keep it before the Lord yet we find ourselves struggling. When we came back to the US we intended to return to Mozambique and that changed. We have accepted that and are trying to settle into our new life here. We would like to own a home but because we owe money for our return tickets from Africa we are limited. Should we buy now? Should we wait and work to pay off that debt and then reconsider buying?

What frustration we experience having debt again. We have traveled this road before. It was not pleasant and we worked hard for years, often sacraficing the best of ourselves, with our relationship paying the cost at times to get out of debt. Yet here we are again, even though we promised ourselves we never would be, finding ourselves in bondage because of air travel. Honestly, we are confused. We don't understand why the funds did not come in to cover this expense. We don't understand why when we are simply trying to follow His leading we feel such bondage. We are contemplating just taking a pause if neither of these houses work out and renting for a while. We need a place to call our own for a while, even if it is an apartment. We need to settle and unpack something.

Having said all this we continue to trust Him and know He has a plan in it all. We look for His faithfulness and mighty hand in it all. Trying to keep our eyes on Him and not life's circumstances. We would appreciate your prayers for us to be able to do that these days.

Being Creative

2011-01-21T15:21:00.001-05:00

Today we concluded the first unit of our new curriculum, Paths of Settlement. To wrap up this unit the boy were required to make presentation highlighting some of the things they learned. They did a good job and had fun with it as well.

I was reminded as I look around our little ~~"house"~~ room that regardless of the cramped quarters my boys seem to be thriving. Lately they have taken to doing various "art" projects. Some for home school and some by their own choice. I see inspiration. I see creativity. I see discovering minds. I see love and life that God has given them.

I decided to take photos of some of their projects. As I did, I was reminded that we are all creative in our own ways. So often we tend to feel that we only have creative moments. My hope is to see my boys be creative. To be creative is to express the goodness of God freely, to share with the world parts of who you are, and to allow yourself the freedom to not worry of others acceptance but be true to yourself. I want my boys to feel unintimidated by others judgements, confident that what they have to share is worthwhile and joyful at expressing themselves.

My children teach me all the time. I am mindful that we are to be like little children before the Father. Unashamed, unworldly, not consumed with pride, able to freely love and genuinely express all that is in our hearts to God and others.

Nate's watercolor of foliage

The scarf Micah crocheted for me for Christmas

Nate's alien village

Micah's watercolor.

Micah's Drawing

More Snow...and Even More to Come

2011-01-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

We have had snow once again. So far we are up to 28 inches this January.

Tomorrow we are supposed to receive another 5-9 inches. We'll see.

So far, the boys are quite content with it all and enjoying every minute they can outside.

Later this week it is supposed to get cold (-5 to -15) so we will let them play now while they can.

Australia

2011-01-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

I have a dear friend. Her name is Julie. She's Australian.

We have known one another for many years. Fifteen, I think.
She will probably not like that I am talking about her.

But you see this week she has been inspiring me. More than usual.

Most will have heard of the horrible floods in Australia. She lives where it has all been happening. Although her family's home was not directly affected she has been struck. She is sad for the suffering in her home country. She is feeling for her neighbors. She is helping her friends.
Reaching out to others during desperate times. And I am proud of her.
She's reminded me this week that we are always called to reach out to
help any of those in need around us.
Thanks Jules.

It's an honor to call you my friend.
Please pray for the people of Australia struggling to put their lives back together.

The More I Seek You

2011-01-14T23:04:00.000-05:00

"The more I seek you, the more I find you.

The more I find you, the more I love you.

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand,

lay back against you and breath, feel your heartbeat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming."-Kari Jobe

Listen here

Worthy of Meditation

2011-01-14T20:12:00.004-05:00

"Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."-Phillipians 4:8

Lately, I have been reading a blog called, "A Holy Experience."

It has often challenged me and most days I feel it truly is a holy experience.
It has been good for my soul. It's inspired me to dig deeper into God's grace and rest in His love.
Many days it causes me to pause, to re-evaluate things, to take inventory, to ask myself the hard questions, to humble myself, to give thanks, to weep, to repent, to celebrate, to pray.

"He is love, the tender Physician God who keeps tab of the every ache, a doting Father who soul-fissures when His child cries, the God who keeps the ledgers of every pain, every scrape, every brimming, falling, searing tear."

~~~~~

"It’s what you’re doing in the quiet and the hidden that speaks the loudest."

~~~~~

"If God makes a list of my laments, I will make a list of God’s love.

If God has a list of my pain, I will make a list of my praise.
If God writes a list of my tears, I will write a list of my thanks.

It’s Love that makes God and I list keepers.

And keeping the list of His love, keeps me in joy."

~~~~~

"Only speak words that make souls stronger."

~~~~~

"God, hear me saying….

I am dry and brittle and

ready to snap.

God, I hear You saying…

How else to be kindling for

a burning bush?"

~~~~~

"Forget figuring out how to form a habit. I’m not there yet. First, what are the few habits worth wearing?"

~~~~~

"The way in which we live our moments, our choices for the gift of the next 24 hours, are rungs on a ladder. The rungs take us somewhere. These moments are rungs scaling each and everyday… making a life."

A Family Snow Day

2011-01-13T11:01:00.000-05:00

Today we had the pleasure of having a "Family Snow Day."

Marc was told to not bother coming into work so after school it was time to play.

Warm cookies always make coming inside better.

The warm woodstove helps feel cozy.

Deeper, Intimate Worship

2011-01-06T23:26:00.000-05:00

I have hesitated to post yet this new year. I don't know what to say. I can not truly express all I am feeling. I am in a state of brokenness, in so many ways. Brokenness is not always bad. It hurts, it's raw, it's honest, it's vulnerable. I trust He is building me up from the ground once again. He has impressed on me during this first week of 2011 that He is drawing me near. He desires DEEPER, MORE INTIMATE WORSHIP. That is where I am. Learning, humbling myself, allow myself to be broken, trusting.

Enjoy this Simple Worship!

Here it Comes, Ready or Not!

2010-12-31T14:34:00.000-05:00

I am not sure I am ready for 2011. It brings with it so many unknowns. Where will we live, what will daily life look like for our family, how will the boys change, which relationships will stay intact despite miles, what passions will remain in my heart for those I left behind in Africa, what ministry will I be involved in, how will my relationship with the Father change. But then again it brings with it great promise and hope because God promises that He knows the plans He has for me.....once again, I just have to trust.

Here are some of my favorite memories of 2010.

Family vacation to New Brunswick, Canada. My Dad's home and my birthplace.

Watching my sister reconnect with my boys.

Being able to take my sister to Amish country in Pennsylvania like she has always wanted to do.

Seeing Fall colors again.

Getting to be a part of this little one's life and watching her grow and be welcomed into a forever family.

Developing new friendships in Africa.

Having the pleasure of seeing my oldest turn 13.

Knowing God worked through us to make a difference to some in Mozambique.

My boys having the gift of growing up and experiencing life in Africa.

Seeing proof positive of Nate being healed by God.

Being with family again and making special memories.

Spending Christmas in the U.S.

The joy of seeing the boys delight in the first snow of the season.

Spending time with such special friends.

Christmas at "Our" House

2010-12-26T21:06:00.000-05:00

Our celebration began Christmas Eve by attending our church. Marc had to work so he was unable to join us or so we thought. We were delighted when he arrived right before the service to be with us. After church we enjoyed fantastic Chinese food for dinner and phone calls with grandparents. The evening was wrapped up by watching, "The Nativity."

Christmas morning started out not too much later, at 3:30 am. We can't blame the kids since it was my sister and I that woke everyone up. Our family shared presents together in our "home", also known as, "The Garage Workshop." Then we joined my sister and her family in the house to swap gifts. Next, we had a yummy breakfast of homemade waffles, ham, and quiche topped off with homemade Coconut Cake. Then it was time to play and discover all that had been given.

Yep, it's early....

Enjoying their new air soft guns....

Later in the day, our little family celebrated true Pavkov-Brazilian-Mozambican style with Rice and Beans for dinner while my sister and her family went to her in-laws home. Then it was time for more games, movies and general holiday cheer.

I hope your Christmas was as Merry and Relaxing as ours.

Family Tree of Jesus

2010-12-26T20:15:00.005-05:00

Have you ever thought about the family tree of JESUS?

It has confronted me several times this Christmas season.

It came again today through the sermon at church.

What a POWERFUL message.

Isn't it like God to use the lowly family tree of Jesus so we could identify our brotherhood with him in our weak family links.

Jacob, deception and lying.

Rahab, prostitution.

David, adultery, murder, incest and rape.

Rehoboam, abuse of power as a merciless ruler.

Just to name a few.

I am awed by His magnificent plan.

How deep is His love that He prepared a plan to include our depravity.

In that way we can fully know the complete love and acceptance only He can offer because of ours and our families sin. All because we can relate.

Hope comes in remembering that we are now joint heirs with Jesus. We have a different heritage. We are of his redeemed family line. Our identity, our names are in the Lamb's book. We are new creations.

As the pastor so aptly put it, "Yesterday does not define me."

Pure freedom that has been bought by the blood of the lamb.

Who are we to forsake it?
If you would like to enjoy today's message Click Here

Winter Has Come....

2010-12-23T14:31:00.000-05:00

Our Ways of Celebrating

2010-12-19T23:03:00.000-05:00

This is our Jesse Tree. This Advent season I have been doing a daily devotional with the boys that is wonderful. It follows the "story" and lineage of Jesus from the beginning, the tree of Jesse. We read scripture from the Old Testament that shows how it was always God's plan that Jesus would be sent to redeem us. Each day the boys draw an ornament to hang on their tree representing that days testimony to God's plan. It has been a special time as I have seen the boys come to a better understanding of Christmas and the importance of Christs birth. The present you see under the tree was from today's exercise. The boys were to think and decide on a sin they were needing to repent of and give it to Jesus as a gift to Him, allowing Him to redeem that area and change their hearts regarding it.

It is powerful to watch your children commune with God. It is humbling to lay myself bare before them admitting my own sin and need for redemption. It is wonderful that we can celebrate God's glorious gift of redemption in Jesus together.

Love Came Down at Christmas

2010-12-15T15:41:00.000-05:00

We are full of hope.

Our lives are changing.

Everything is new.

Like Mary, mother of Jesus, we press on with anticipation.

We wonder at the promise it holds.

It is exciting yet scary.

It is amazing yet overwhelming.

It is cause for moments of awe.

Our knees crumble, bowed down before the King.

We pour out our hearts.

We love, yet we need.

He is near.

We feel Him.

He comforts and reassures.

We trust.

We believe.

We are grateful.

We treasure this LOVE that came down.

You have held us up.

You have encouraged. You have loved.

Thank you. Thank you!

May you and yours have a blessed Christmas

celebrating the One that came as LOVE

to seek and save all those in need!

My Boy's Heart

2010-12-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

Nathaniel, our youngest, is independant, strong-willed and has no hesitation about what he wants. Life in Africa was hard on him. First was the accident that left him with two broken legs and a dislocated arm and a long recovery. Of course, we praise God because he was healed but it was still tough for a little boy to go through. But besides the physical challenges I would say he struggled the most emotionally. He was home sick for America. He was intimidated by the harsh, loud culture of Mozambique. He was afraid of having to deal with the crime surrounding us. He was overwhelmed with the constant needs around us.

Honestly, when we decided to stay in the US he was relieved and quite content. I was sad to see him feeling unattached, almost bitter about Mozambique and our life we had left there.

I wondered if I had been blind to it while we were there.

As part of MY re-adjustment back to life in the US I have been reading a book about reverse culture shock and identifying so many of my feelings and struggles from it's pages. It has been healing and reassuring that I am not crazy and that I am somewhat normal for all I am thinking and feeling. As I was reading this past week I prayed for Nate and that his heart would not be bitter towards God from our time in Mozambique but that his heart would be softened and he would get to a place that he appreciated his experiences.

I was praying that God would touch his heart because I was concerned and knew I couldn't change it.

Yesterday, while driving in the car with the boys we began talking about our adjustment to life here in the US and how they thought they were doing and how they were feeling about it all. Nate spoke up and shared these words, "Mom, I feel like my mind is here in America but my heart is back in Africa." When I asked what he meant by that he went on to tell me that he is happy to be here in America but he feels like his life was in Africa with his friends and things he was used to and he misses it.

God had touched him and changed his bitterness into appreciation.

I was brought to tears and so thankful for my boy's soft heart.

My Man

2010-12-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

Marriage to my man is such an honor.

To share life in Mozambique together was an adventure.

To celebrate God's grace to us as the years go by means so much.

I LOVE YOU MARC AND I THANK GOD FOR ALLOWING ME TO BE YOUR WIFE FOR THE LAST 14 YEARS.

The Mattress People....UGH! Am I Still in Africa?

2010-12-06T16:24:00.001-05:00

So, we (mostly Marc until I got involved today) have been enduring a very long, frustrating, irritating drama with a local mattress company. The only real purchase we have made since we arrived back in the US has been a mattress for us. Well let's say, we have made the purchase, as in have paid cash for the item but have yet to actually receive the mattress we ordered. We were intitially told it would take two weeks but since we were going to be away traveling we told them that we would gladly pick it up upon our return an extra two weeks later. Well, when Marc returned from his portion of our traveling low and behold the mattress was not at the store. It had mistakenly not been ordered. So he waited, patiently I might add. They continued with the excuses and delays and eventually because he was adamant that he must have a mattress for his wife to sleep on after her being on the road traveling for 6 weeks they gave him a mattress to have on loan from thier floor stock while our original NEW mattress was still on order. Of course, it was due any moment of any day....this is the part where I feel just like we are in Africa except Africans are generally up front about not knowing when you will ever get the item. They do not generally tell you that on Monday or Friday it will definitely be here and then it is not anywhere in sight. So we continued to wait. Marc continued to visit. Marc continued to call and STILL NO BED. Today, Marc finally told me to go ahead and try to get through to them and see what can be resolved. After hearing about how the shipment did not come in AGAIN, I informed the nice man that we will be having our money refunded and that it will need to be present in my account before they snag the mattress out from underneath me that we are currently "borrowing." He agreed that he could do that but not in cash but redeposited into my account. I halted the conversation at that point to call my bank and find out how long this process may take. It seems it will take 2-3 days from the time they enter the transaction but I again I have not been able to reach my mattress man after several phone calls this afternoon. I am thinking my number is looking a little too familar on his caller ID but we will see how this ongoing saga ends. So far it has been going on for 2 months and 5 days......Let's just say I NEVER, EVER thought I would long for my thin, cheap, foam mattress in Africa but that day has come.

What a Difference a Year Makes...

2010-12-05T19:59:00.001-05:00

This was us yesterday, here in New Hampshire "celebrating" Christmas. We were watching the local Christmas parade trying to stay warm. We had on double layers of pants, hats, gloves, winter coats. We were also wrapped up in blankets and yet we were still chilly.

On the other hand this was us last year, in Chimoio, Mozambique, "celebrating" Christmas. We were doing our best to stay cool and enjoy the swealtering day. The cold cokes and cool water helped.

What a difference a year makes!

Happy Birthday to a Special Little Girl

2010-12-03T20:16:00.000-05:00

Happy 2nd Birthday

Tendai!

We love you and are so glad your mommy and daddy found you!

The First Snow

2010-11-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, as we were just finishing decorating our cute, little Christmas tree Marc announced to the boys that it was snowing outside. The boys responded by squealing and begging to go outside. Of course, we could not refuse their sweet, excited, faces so off they went.

The boys were so EXCITED!

There was barely enough to cover the ground but enough for rolling around in.

Not really dressed for the occasion.

Trying to find enough to make a snowball.

SNOW....I can't hardly believe it.

Three months ago we had just arrived back to the U.S. and were sweating from summer heat.

Now, the boys are overjoyed with the idea of snowboarding, sledding, and building snowmen and forts.

It's going to be a FUN winter.

Taking Time for Thanksgiving

2010-11-23T22:44:00.000-05:00

Coming back into the country and trying to resettle brings with it many items needing attention. There are suitcases to unpack, licenses to obtain, vehicles to register, school paperwork to process, doctors to find, rountines to establish, friendships to rekindle, thank yous to be said, traveling to be done......You get the idea. At this point it seems the list is never-ending. But I am taking a pause. I have determined that I am going to take time for Thanksgiving. Not just the holiday but the attitude of heart. I have so much to be thankful for and with a heart full of gratitude is where I hope to find myself this Thanksgiving holiday.

My God has treasured me, and graced me with many, merciful blessings so I thank Him for His love poured out into my life.

My God, I thank you

For Family

For Friends

For Health

For Children

For Freedom

For the Honor to Worship

For Your Enduring Love

JOYFUL THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Traveling to "Home"

2010-11-19T22:01:00.000-05:00

Well I am finally home in NH. It seems odd to say that but the boys and I are so happy to be back with Marc and to us wherever our family is together is home so for now here it is.

This week wrapped up six weeks of travel for the boys and I and we are ready to unpack and stop living out of a suitcase for a while. We have traveled through NH, TN, FL, MO, CO, OR, WA, GA, SC, NC, VA, W. VA, PA, MD, NY, and VT and it is very possible I left some out. Regardless, I thought I would just share a few photos of our time visiting friends, supporters and family.

Amish Country in Pennsylvania

Oregon

Ethan in Florida

Nate's healed leg (on the right) at Shriner's Hospital in Florida

The boys with the Abitz kids in Florida

On the Road Again...to my new self

2010-11-14T22:40:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I begin my travels from Florida back to New Hampshire. It is time for the boys and I to join Marc in our new life. It seems so odd to be on the brink of this new adventure when a few months ago it was not even on my radar screen but isn't that how life is sometimes. The things we never expect or plan for usually end up being the best. I am believing that for our future in New Hampshire. It will be so different than the life we have been leading in Africa over the last several years yet it will be GOOD. How do I know that? Well, because God will be in it and HE IS GOOD. It may not always be easy and there will likely be difficulties but I can trust Him through them all. I feel as though I am being reidentified. Not sure that makes any sense but I have taken off "missionary" and now am eager and nervous to find out what I will next put on. The truth is God only wants me to wear the identity of Christ, as His daughter in all of it's fullness but sometimes that seems so difficult because it is so simple. That is going to take some learning for me but it is my heart desire. Pray for me to let Him show me how to do that.

My Teenager

2010-11-08T01:22:00.001-05:00

This week we crossed a new milestone. Micah has become a teenager.
It seems so hard to believe because it feels like just yesterday that we moved to Mozambique for the first time(three weeks after our wedding), were learning what it was like to be newlyweds, and awaiting the arrival of our first baby(we got pregnant two months after getting married).
Some memories from my pregnancy and birth of this amazing teenager...
-Being clueless about what to expect but thankful for a friend, another missionary from Ireland, that taught me the basics.
-Being so tired because I was also anemic that I felt like all I did was sleep.
-Knowing my "new" husband REALLY loved me because of the amounts of times he had to clean up after me from let's just say my nausea episodes.
-Visiting the doctor all the way in Zimbabwe for check-ups only three times the whole pregnancy.
-Having an ultrasound in Zimbabwe and asking the doctor what the sex of the baby was and being rebuked that it should not matter as long as the baby was healthy.
-Getting stung by a scorpion while pregnant.
-Having malaria and a badly sprained ankle that left me on crutches at the same time while staying at a guest house that did not have individual bathrooms....Again I found out how much my husband REALLY loved me.
-Staying at the farm where my doctor lived in community with other Christians and having supper with him.
-Eat frest strawberries and cream for breakfast every morning while waiting for the baby to come.
-Trying to convince the nurse at the hospital that even though she couldn't tell because she had no monitor I really was having contractions.
-Having to wait until the very time of delivery to go into the "delivery room" because there was only one and someone else may need it before me.
-Pushing for two hours and finally delivering a chubby, healthy baby boy.
-Immediately after giving birth be handed tea with milk and sugar to drink so I could get my energy back.
-Having the doctor pray over Micah and dedicate him to the Lord soon after delivery.

Some many memories. So many emotions. So many hopes. So many dreams. So much love for such a little person INSTANTLY.

I am so honored to call this TEENAGER, Micah, my son. He is an awesome young man full of love, forgiveness, gentleness, humor, friendliness, character, and Godliness. I am blessed to be his mom. Thank you Lord.

Beauty for Ashes

2010-11-03T23:09:00.000-04:00

Last night as I lay awake in bed alone, the Lord was speaking to me that He promises me BEAUTY FOR ASHES. I am visiting at my parents house with the boys while Marc is in NH beginning the first phase of our new life, off the mission field. Somedays I don't really comprehend the changes we are going through yet and feel lost in a sea of not knowing who or what I am supposed to be now. I feel as though I am traveling and and simply enjoying another world for a while while my former life waits for me out there. Soon though, I will return to NH to begin our new life as well. I am not sure what it will be or look like or how it will all unfold. One thing I do know is that God promises BEAUTY FOR ASHES. Ashes to me are the things, times, identities in my life that have been burnt up, destroyed, something that formerly existed but is no more. At least not existing in the same form or manner. But I must remember that God promises us BEAUTY FOR ASHES. So although, I feel lost, and a little shaken He is not either of those. What ashes do I have to give Him? What things will I allow Him to transform into something beautiful, new, whole, fantastic? I look forward to God making the transformation and all He asks is that I willingly give Him the old and let Him build something new.

What Africa Has Taught Me

2010-10-31T23:32:00.000-04:00

The boys and I are in Florida now visiting my parents, friends and supporters. I have been trying to purposefully take some time to think about what Africa has taught me. It seems like so much yet it is hard to put into words but I will make an attempt at some of them. I think this may be an ongoing list.

1. Making new friends is so important. If you are open to God forming them it will not matter what color, language, culture or religious bent they possess.
2. We should treasure the simple pleasures we are granted in life.
3. God does not focus on what we are but who we are in relationship to Him.
4. There is an extravagant joy that can not be bought that I have seen some of the most physically and materially desperate people in the world possess.
5. Orphan's "teach" me how to persevere in life.
6. Love is what everyone longs for in life.
7. Family is a blessing and often you don't realize it until they are gone.
8. African's are forgiving when you attempt to speak their language.
9. The prayers of others strengthens you in desperate times.
10.God is always working details in our lives we just don't recognize them.
11.Coke can mean home to you.
12.Coffee time in the afternoon is a valuable ritual.
13.Simple courtesy and respect get you a long way in life.
14.When you live in a foreign country it does not matter what the laws of your home country are because things operate differently overseas. WAY DIFFERENT!
15. Taking time for conversation and genuine interest in others lives is a learned art.
16.It is wonderful to have fresh baked bread everyday.
17.Rats and bugs sometimes are just part of life. Get over it!
18.Gratefulness is important!
19.God loves all of His people throughout the world and is honored by simple faith.
20.I am pretty good at improvising.

Changes for our Family

2010-10-19T15:48:00.001-04:00

Dear Friends,

We wanted to share with you what has been on our hearts recently.

Over the last couple of months we have been praying about our future in Mozambique. We have spent time in prayer, time fasting and sought counsel from our church and mission leadership. It has been an emotional time and a difficult decision to make but we have felt strongly that the Lord has said it is time for us to remain in the US. Honestly, we do not know what the future holds for us but we do know that we can trust the Father and that He only wants HIS good for us. We have had several wonderful yet really difficult years serving in Mozambique. We have not always shared the heart ache and rough times as it wasn't necessarily the right time or place. Part of our heart always remains in Africa and we do not know if the Lord will have us return one day. We will treasure our time there and will miss our friends and ministry work greatly. We appreciate your constant support, love, and prayers that have made it possible for us to serve. Your faithfulness has made a difference in our lives and in the lives of those we were able to reach in Mozambique.

We have resigned from our mission, effective December 26th. We will be able to receive funds until then to help us make the transition and set-up our new home. We would appreciate your continued support until then if possible. Our plan is to remain in NH and settle near the Concord area. Marc has been offered his old position back at Concord Coach bus company with a pay increase which is such a blessing. Andrea will stay at home with the boys and continue to home school them. We plan to attend our sending church, Grace Capital Church in Pembroke and get involved as we feel the Lord leading. We would appreciate your prayers as we transition back into life here in the US. We need God's wisdom in decisions, healing from hurt, hope for the future, provision for our needs, and a sensitivity to His leading. God is so good and faithful and has always been more than enough for our every need. For the future we are open to wherever He leads and desire to be obedient above all else.

We have been so blessed and are so grateful for your commitment to us.

Sincerely,

Andrea & Marc Pavkov

I Knew...

2010-10-15T00:14:00.001-04:00

I knew this would happen.

I knew we would get back to the USA and I would not blog faithfully.

I told myself it wouldn't happen.

I promised myself that I wouldn't get too busy and neglect it.

But alas, here we are nearly two months later and I have been a slacker.

Well, I figured the least I could do is show you what I HAVE been doing that has kept me so distracted.

We've been traveling across the country.

Taking in God's beautiful creation.

Laughing with family.

Watching football....go ANTHONY (#11)!

Learning skills from cousins,

and from Grandpa.

And enjoying what is left of our beautiful (warm) time here in Washington state.

Dresses for Beautiful Little Girls

2010-10-03T19:28:00.000-04:00

Recently a group of ladies from New Hampshire made some cute little dresses for us to distribute to orphan girls in Mozambique. We were not there to receive the dresses but thankfully our friend Jenn, who is also a missionary from the US, went to the post office and picked up the package. She is distributing them to orphan girls for us and was a sweetheart and sent photos of these amazing little girls. How special for them to receive their very own, new dress. Thank you ladies for your hard work and special gift.

One Month in the States

2010-09-25T21:11:00.000-04:00

Well, we have officially been in the States a little over a month now. It is an odd reality. It has been exciting, refreshing, and wonderful but also challenging, overwhelming, and humbling. I often find myself vascilating between celebrating some little thing like being able to be out at night without considering getting malaria and missing the simplier, slower pace of life in Mozambique. Sometimes it seems too much to take it all in and hard to even process the two completely opposite worlds. I find myself engaged in both and they seem to run parallel through my mind but I find it difficult when they intersect. For example entering the grocery store....In one way I am excited to find fresh fruits, veggies, familiar things that I have missed like sour cream, fresh milk, and the convenience of having just about anything I could want in an instant. In another way, I am overcome with emotion seeing how much is available and knowing that many I know will struggle just to have food for feeding their families and will possibly go to bed hungry TONIGHT.

My desire and I believe God's intention for me is to not feel guilty but for my heart to remain compassionate and stirred for those I love that suffer in the midst of poverty.

Riots in Mozambique....Pray for Peace!

2010-09-10T20:30:00.000-04:00

You may have heard that last week there were several days of violent protests and riots of the rising costs of food and fuel in Mozambique. Those riots took place in our city of Chimoio as well according to the reports and friends accounts. Businesses, transportation etc were closed down while crowds gathered and protested rather violently. Our friends stayed in their homes for a few days to wait out the uprising and now say things have calmed down once again. A total of 13 people were killed and over 400 people were injured around Mozambique during the riots. In such a poverty stricken society where the majority of people struggle day to day just to find enough food to eat it is ripe to become volatile at any moment. We are thankful we did not have to experience it but ask that you pray for our friends, both foreigners and Mozambicans and for fellow missionaries that are still there serving in the midst of the chaos and pray for peace to reign in Mozambique.

Photos of Graca Sara....our Mozambican "granddaughter."

2010-09-01T20:39:00.000-04:00

You may remember we mentioned that our "adopted" Mozambican son and his wife had their first baby shortly before we left Mozambique to return on furlough to the USA. Here are a few photos to enjoy.

Manuel and his wife Laurinda and baby Graca Sara (Sara Grace).

Beautiful Graca Sara

***Please pray that both mother and baby remain healthy and strong***

Back in the USA

2010-09-01T20:32:00.000-04:00

We have been back in the USA for 9 days now. We are having a great time catching up with family, visiting stores and restaurants and getting readjusted to the different pace of life here. We are currently in Maine on vacation with family. I wanted to just give you a glimpse of our life the last few days.

Nate and his cousin Tailor setting up camp.

Family catching up.

Andrea's mom (back right) and her siblings.

The boys LOVING the soft grass and open spaces.

The cabin we all are staying in.

Our neice Kelli and brother in law, Joe.

Micah handing out balloons at our memorial bonfire for our Uncle Gayle that passed away this year.

Releasing the balloons.

The bonfire.

We miss our life in Africa but we are so happy to be reconnecting with family and loved ones and are grateful for our time here in the USA. We will be heading off tomorrow to New Brunswick, Canada to attend another family reunion. We appreciate your prayers as we travel and spend this time here.

Honorary Mozambican Granny

2010-08-18T14:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I became an honorary Mozambican granny. A young guy, Manuel, who we have known since our very first time in Mozambique back in 1997 and was a kid at the orphanage where we first worked and his wife Laurinda had their first baby yesterday morning. They live on the outskirts of town and had intended to go to the hospital but she had traveled out into the bush to see her parents and ended up going into labor and giving birth at their home. She and the baby are both doing well. They had a beautiful baby girl that I had the privlige of naming, Graca Sara (Sara Grace). They say she has my hair because it is so long. Sorry at this time I am unable to upload any photos but maybe when I return to the US I will be able to do so.

I'll Fly Away

2010-08-15T07:51:00.000-04:00

Well, one week from this time we will have just taken off from the airport here in Mozambique to begin our journey back to the USA. We will leave our town Saturday morning and travel to the coastal city of Beira where the major airport is located. We will spend the night at a guest house and then go to the airport Sunday morning. We actually fly around 1:30 Sunday afternoon to head to South Africa. From there we will fly to Washington, DC and then onto Boston (arriving the 23rd). After 3 days of traveling, 6 hours of driving and about 23 hours of flying we will finally arrive at my sister's house in New Hampshire. We would appreciate your prayers as we finish wrapping up details this week and for our safety, health, and rest as we journey. We look forward to seeing as many of you as possible while in the USA. See you on the other side :)

Internet Issues and Airplane Tickets

2010-08-05T14:34:00.000-04:00

Well I know it has been a long silence from my end and I apologize. We have once again had internet issues here. We are still limited. But we did want to let you know that we will be returning to the US for a six month furlough soon. We are busy packing up our house and items for storage, preparing to move out, packing for our trip to the US, etc. There are lots of little details to take care of and we would appreciate your prayers as we transition from life here in Mozambique back to the US for the next period of time.

Blessings,
The Pavkov's

A Busy Weekend

2010-07-04T14:23:00.000-04:00

We have been busy this weekend!

First we hosted a Fourth of July Party for the American missionaries in town....

Then Nate's 11th Birthday Party.....

Nate and a Dog

2010-06-30T15:49:00.000-04:00

Last week Nate and Micah were at a friends playing when their dog got off their porch. He ran to be near Nate and when Nate grabbed his collar so they could put him back in the porch the dog bite him on his ear. The dog tore off a good size piece of skin at the top peak of his ear and around the back. We were able to take him to the two private clinics in town pretty quickly with the piece of skin in tow but no doctors at either of the clinics because it was a holiday. Got to love medical care in Mozambique.....Ended up coming home and asking our next door neighbor, a veteran missionary from Ohio, who was an army medic to come over and help me try to clean it and reattach the skin. There really wasn't the option of sewing it back on (actually most suggest you don't do that with dogbites anyway) since there wasn't alot to attach it to in the back so we cleaned it well and layed the skin back on hoping it will reattach. It does not cover the whole torn area but we are hopeful that his ear will look quite normal although he is sure to have some scaring. Have had a couple of Canadian nurses take a look and they don't think the skin is going to reattach but instead form a scab and come off. We will have to wait and see. We have him on preventative antibiotics as well as keeping it slathered with antibiotic ointment and covered when he goes outside or sleeps. He is doing great. Not much slows him down we learned that when he was in two full leg casts and would scoot himself around on with a flip flop under his bum on the polished cement floors of our house in 2007 after he had fallen in the well. This is only a minor side track for him in comparison.

The white patch is the skin we replaced.

It looks very dramatic since we used a surgical mask to cover his ear and then bandaged it so he could not hurt it while he slept.

Thanks for always praying for our kids as we live this often crazy life!

Marc Returns

2010-06-20T14:33:00.000-04:00

Marc returned late yesterday afternoon and it is good to have him home in time for Father's Day today. In all he traveled 2,500 kilometers in 6 days which is 1,553 miles. Much of that was on pot holed and narrow, muddy, bumpy dirt roads. Needless to say he is glad to be home and to not be bouncing and swaying in the car anymore. The car did fantastic on it's first long distance bush trip despite the fact that we need new front end shocks. I thought I would share some photos from his time away at the Pastor's conference. Enjoy!

Stopping for breakfast along the road with the other missionaries, visiting Brazilian pastors and two national pastors that traveled with him.

Faith is definitely required when driving after dark.

A friend found along the way.

His sleeping quarters.

His own bathroom. He even received a bucket of warm water in the mornings to use for "showering."

The pastor's bicycle parking lot inside the church (so they wouldn't be stolen). Some of the pastors rode their bicycles three days so they could attend the conference.

The church's bathroom.

The village children outside the church.

The pastors worshipping.

Complicated road situations. They ended up going with the 4x4 on around all of them to the right through the grass area.

This was after the car had been washed. At one point the whole back half of the vehicle was caked in mud and you could not see out any of the back windows.

While Dad's Away, We Play

2010-06-18T06:02:00.000-04:00

Marc has been gone this week in northern Mozambique, near Malawi's eastern border for a Pastor's conference (I will blog about his trip later). While he has been gone the boys and I have been hanging out here at home. We coordinated our school schedule with Dad's time away so this would be a vacation week and it has been wonderful. The boys and I have been watching movies, watching World Cup games, having dinner at people's houses and just generally being lazy. It's been wonderful.

We miss Dad though and are ready for him to come home this weekend!

God's Whisper

2010-06-12T05:17:00.000-04:00

Life here in Mozambique can be emotionally raw and draining.

Overwhelming.

In the shower this morning I was thinking back over the last 16 months that we have been here and several emotionally charged events came flooding back to my mind.

A seven year old girl grieving over the death of her baby sister, carrying guilt that didn't belong to her because she was her mama and always carried her tied on her back and she let her die. Telling her it wasn't her fault but knowing only God can convince her that He does not hold her responsible.

A grandma that cares for her orphaned grandchildren losing one of the five year olds to death. She's sad but she is more concerned about the funeral debt that is lingering over her head not because she didn't love her but because the debt is still here and the baby is already gone.

Picking up a very weak, ill old man that was tied to a bicycle being pushed by his family. Going to the hospital hoping they would help but instead being told to take him to the morgue where they lay him on a bed, cover him with a sheet and wait for him to finish dying.

A homeless, crazy man wandering down the middle of the street heading for our car where I sit waiting for Marc. God's small voice telling me to look him in the eyes, to not avoid him and his existence. Being filled to overflowing with compassion and God's love for him.

Concern for Marc realizing that he has malaria. Remembering he gets so violently sick, so very fast. Praying we get him medicine fast enough before he is really suffering and his body starts shutting down.

Back to the shower this morning.

God was whispering to me that I was not a part of those things to help solve them but more for His work in my heart to be done.

He needed to change me.

He needed me to see His love and compassion more.

He wants me to Himself.

He desires my moves and thoughts to be generated out of His heart.

He needed me internally not just externally.

So we move on together understanding that He leads.

My only job is to follow His heart.

To listen.

To engage only in the things that He softly whispers to me.

To be internal.

To allow Him to show me what must change in me.

Out of that overflow comes love, comes dedication, comes servanthood.

Children's Day Celebration

2010-06-06T13:23:00.000-04:00

Today's celebration of Children's Day at the local church we attend was a great success. We estimate that we had about 120 kids there. Have you ever tried to count that many little kids while they are bouncing around excitedly? Not so easy. Just thought I would share some photos from our special day.

The welcoming tree...they were excitedly looking for themselves in some photos.

The boys showed off their dance moves.

The older kids were the worship leaders with the drummers help.

Some of the children helped lead worship.

Playing pin the driver in the chapa (taxi).

Waiting in line to see a children's video.

The younger kids coloring. We had over 40 of them together on one straw mat.

Pretty exciting day!

They all "painted" their mud Sunday School room.

Enjoying freeze pops, chips and lollypops.

Yummy treats!

May Pavkov Praise Update

2010-06-03T09:10:00.000-04:00

Dear Friends,
Well, obviously we are back online. Miraculously, it only took a few weeks to get the underwater cable fixed in the Indian Ocean although reports were saying it would take up to four months. We are thankful to be re-connected. Amazing how dependant you become on cell phone and Internet communications, even here in the middle of Africa.
Celebrating Children: June 1st is Children's Day in Mozambique. Obviously, we have a heart for the children of Mozambique but we feel it is especially important to try to impart that heart to Mozambican adults as well. Unfortunately, here children are often regarded as burdens, objects or slaves. To help remedy this June 6th, Andrea and the boys will help missionaries, Rosane and Luciana, who are from Brazil, host a Children's celebration at the local church Mudzingadzee Foursquare Church. We will have fun playing games, teaching about how much Jesus loves children and giving them special treats. At the same time Marc will be inside preaching a message on God's heart for loving children. It is sure to be a fun day!
Bible Study: Andrea recently wrapped up teaching a study on James during the women's Bible study she is leading and has now started in Psalms. In Psalms it is neat to see God's clear and perfect instructions are given to His people for living a Godly life and that obedience promises blessing. He is faithful and worthy of our praise.
Hand of Blessing: This month has been another month that we have been privileged to be the hand of blessing for others. An American NGO worker was packing up her organization to leave Mozambique and wanted to donate some items to a few different missions. We were able to receive them from her and then distribute to two different missions. They received medical supplies, toothbrushes, balls, stuffed animals, sewing machines, water purification bottles, clothes, blankets, etc. What a blessing!
We want to thank you for standing with us through prayer, encouraging notes, packages and financial support. Your gifts and generosity turns our hopes of living and serving here into a reality. Thank you!
Please celebrate with us these praises!

A HUGE answer to prayer came this month. We finally received paperwork that we have been praying for the last 10 months. It is significant for us because we want to make sure we are in proper order with all the local community governmental offices and this document allows that to happen.
Faithful prayer and financial supporters.

Please join us in prayer about the following.

We pre-bought farinha (corn flour) to distribute to the widows and orphans of the church but the manager of the store pocketed the money and we are now being denied the farinha. This means we will have to either not distribute or try to come up with the funds to replace what we have already purchased. Please pray that this problem can be resolved and for us to have wisdom.
That the Children's celebration will go well and that the children will truly understand God's love for them.
Marc will be traveling to Northern Mozambique June 14-20th. He will be assisting in hosting some Brazilian pastors as they attend the National Foursquare church's conference. Please pray for safety as they travel some very remote roads and for a good time of fellowship and ministry to the local people and national pastors in that area. Also, for the boys and I as we stay home during that week.

Blessings to each of you from Mozambique.

The Boys Day to Serve

2010-06-02T12:55:00.000-04:00

Today the boys had a great experience. They were "in charge" of helping to deliver and hand out food for some orphans, widows and lepers of a local missions sponsor program. The climbed in the back of our friends pick up truck that was loaded with maize, rice, beans, salt, fish, soap and oil. We drove to several different locations where those being helped lived and the boys helped read the distribution sheets and hand out the correct allotments. By the end of the morning they were ready for a good shower because they were dirty, dusty and had weevils (little bugs that live in the corn) crawling all over them. But they had a good time and it was great for them to serve others and see how little others have to live on for a month. I count it a blessing that they had this opportunity. It is our prayer that they will grow up feeling empathy, having compassion for and loving others.

Coming of Age

2010-05-30T14:59:00.001-04:00

I have two sons. The oldest, Micah, is 12. He will be 13 in November. How that happened, I do not know. Where the time has vanished, I will never know.

As he approaches manhood, and believe me he is approaching...he has the pimples and body odor to prove it. I have been contemplating some type of "Coming of Age" ceremony or process for him. I am praying about it. Wondering what it should look like.

Today he had an introduction as his dad invited him to attend the Men's Breakfast with him. He was a little intimidated at first but also excited. His dad explained that if he decided to go he would need to be sure to know it was not a playtime. He understood and agreed to go with a huge grin on his face. Partly, I think because it was something special for just him and dad to do but also because dad considered him old enough to be part of the men.

I realize I am partial but I am pretty sure he is about the most handsome, kind hearted ~~boy~~ young man out there.

Seasonal Confusion

2010-05-30T13:37:00.000-04:00

I suffer from an unusual disease...it's called "Seasonal Confusion." I realize you may not have heard of it before but believe me it IS real. It starts out as improperly placed desires for particular activities and smells associated with familiar times of the year. Then you find that your body revolts against the idea of a particular season because it doesn't feel right temperature wise. Then you find yourself asking questions. What season is it? What month is it? What holidays are we supposed to be celebrating.

I think for this ~~New England~~ New Hampshire girl it all started many years ago when I first moved to Florida. I went from four distinct seasons, Summer, Autumn, Winter and Spring to two...Hot and Hotter. Even though at times it didn't feel like a particular season I could convince myself otherwise by observing all of the holiday pharphenalia in the stores and diving head first into the celebrations.

Here in Africa it is a different story. Again, I find myself with two distinct seasons instead of four. We have HOT, rainy season and not so hot, dry season. On top of that I have changed hemispheres which means I am exactly opposite of what I have always known. I do not have reminders all around me. I forget holidays. I get confused about what season we are in. I feel as though we should be preparing for Summer, the beach, picnics, barbeques, fireworks, etc. Instead, it is getting cold. I am finding myself adding extra blankets at night, more layers of clothes during the day, SOCKS, and warm drinks. We are heading rapidly into Winter. How can this be? I should be smelling flowers in bloom, wet mud from the after snow thaws, the beach.

I guess it all just takes time to get used to it. Somehow though, I think this New Hampshire girl will always long for Summer barbeques, Autumn leaves, Winter snow and Spring flowers. It's just part of who I am.

Grateful Days

2010-05-27T16:17:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you have those days.

The ones where you realize you must remember to be grateful.

Today was one of them.

I am grateful for two healthy, strong boys.