Patient Prodding

 

I have a son who is in an interesting phase right now. He is riding the line between wise choices and self will. My heart longs for him to get it right. Learn the lesson. Choose the best. Yet, I find it so easy to identify what his problem is because I myself struggle with that very problem. Don't we all? How often do we lean to the comfort of self will when we know maybe we are leaning a little too far off the track.

I find myself prayerful. Lord, what is the balance between grace and discipline. How far does grace stretch? When does discipline fall so that choices don't become bad habits? And again I identify far too easily. The Lords grace has never run out on me yet I have also been disciplined.

The Lord is showing me that I am to patiently prod just like He does to me. So, now. What can I use for my poker? Oh, wait a minute I feel something poking me in the back.

Giving them Up

I vividly remember being called to give my first son up before he even took his first breath on this earth. I sat on a hard, rough bench feeling the burden of carrying him inside. It was hot, the dust burned my eyes and the sound of African music boomed in my ears. My hands were busy holding an orphaned little one that we purposed to love and treat sweetly every Sunday we had the chance. As I fussed with the little guy filling up my lap my own little one was kicking me hard from the inside reminding me he was there as well. I will never forget sensing in my spirit that as real as the little one sitting in my lap so was the the tiny one fluttering in my womb. I was drawn to offer him back to the Lord. Not to give him over, but to give him back. He had first been the Lord's and I was only given the privilege of mothering him for as many years as the Lord determined. I knew that instinctively so it was natural for me to choose to give him back.

As I sat by my youngest sons bedside in a make shift hospital ward with his very bruised and broken body moaning next to me I once again was drawn to give a son back to the Lord. Feeling helpless, afraid and completely stranded I was brought to my knees. Nothing reminds us of our inability like helplessness.

Many things happen in innocence and naivity that you don't often understand the implications of until much later in life. For me the giving back of my boys to the Lord has been a continual process at crucial points over the last 15 years of mothering. None have been easy but they have all been sweet because I know that the Lord loves my children far more than I. So very often the crucial points of faith come when we see our utter despair and brokenness and know we have nothing left to give. God in His divine goodness has allowed me the honor of needing him desperately. I am so very grateful!

It's a Hard Life

This is Manuel with his wife and baby girl.

We have known Manuel since he was a boy.

He was an orphan at the first place we ever lived and ministered at in Mozambique-Maforga Christian Mission.

He has had a hard life but we are constantly amazed that he continues to press on. Regardless of the hardships of losing loved ones during the war, seeing unspeakable atrocities, growing up at an orphanage, suffering in poverty, robberies that have stripped away things he has worked hard for over and over, he has persevered. What a testimony. We will never truly understand what it is to live his life but we are so grateful that through it all he has remained a faithful friend and a faithful follower of the Lord.

What a blessing to see him continue reaching out the orphans in need around him with the little he has even when we are far removed...continents away.

What a joy to know he truly understands the gospel.

Moving AGAIN...

In just four weeks we are moving AGAIN. This is something that I have experience with, that is for sure. Marc and I have been married 15 years now and by my rough estimate this will be our 23rd time moving. Yep, you read that correctly 23 times. You can probably imagine how stinkin' tired I am of packing :)

As a missionary, you get used to moving or at least you try as it seems to be something you do often. You make your best effort to remain flexible and unattached to any particular home or furnishing as you realize there is a good possibility you will leave it sooner or later. We have had to start over more times than we can count. By start over, I mean arrive to a new place with only our suitcases and have to literally start over with finding furniture, dishes, a phone, everything. God has been so gracious to us over the years through his people as many, many times we have had items donated.

But, in four weeks we will be buying our house and moving AGAIN. This time feels different somehow. Marc and I talk about keeping this home for a very long time. We are feeling as though we will finish raising the boys here and begin a new chapter of our life here as empty nesters and maybe even welcome grandchildren here. This is not to say that we will never leave it, even if for a time to return overseas someday but for now it feels like home and it is nice to sense that peace of being settled.

So here I am trying to work up the energy to move just one last time -- for now!

Long Time, No Post...

So, it's been about two months since I last posted. That may be my longest absence yet. Sorry. No particular reason really. There have been some changes around here but I really don't have an excuse for the silence. Anyway, some of the new things happening are...

We are buying a house!

Our little cabin in the woods.

It has 5+ acres of woods to enjoy.

And my favorite part is this lovely (although dirty) fireplace.

We got a new puppy!

Here name is Sissy.

 I started working part-time, a couple mornings a week as the adminstrative assistant of the CareNet Pregnancy Center!

Spring has come.

I have the daffodils from our flower bed to prove it.

The boys have been keeping themselves entertained.

Don't worry, he survived.

So this is life...it continues on - at a rapid pace- but we are trying to remember to take in each moment :)

Highschool Anxiety

So, my oldest son turned fourteen a few months ago which means come the fall it will be time for him to begin highschool. There is some serious anxiety happening about this. Not by him, BY ME. How on earth did this happen? When did my beautiful, chubby, easy going, blue eyed baby boy turn into a muscular, handsome, rugged, often emotional young man? Somedays I just don't know how we got here or at least not this quickly. There are days that I myself still feel like a child so I don't know how on earth it is that I have a teenage "man" calling me mom in a very deep voice. I still look for the stranger wandering around our house when I hear "that man" talking. It seems like it crept up on me out of nowhere. Yesterday, he was playing with cars and legos and loved to watch cartoons. Today he totes around a BB gun, wears army fatigues, shaves and talks about learning to drive. For those that fear I am failing at this whole letting go thing don't worry I don't bemoan these things outloud to him. Well, except for the times I force him to cuddle up on the couch next to me and I hug him like a wild woman and call him my baby until he can't take it anymore and flees the scene.

Happy Valentines Day

May you find the moments with your loved ones sweet, long, comforting and often.