Imagining Grief

I imagine grief to be a wave of emotion that completely blindsides you, washes over you and overwhelms you or sometimes a sensing of a low rumble heading your way and you trying to brace yourself for its arrival. Although I have not suffered great grief in my life by losing a loved one, I feel I have been met face to face with loss. It is heart wrenching and most often comes out of nowhere and I find myself caught, unprepared.

There is Rosa, our orphan that died last year, literally starving to death. I cry for her. I wish things were different and that we had reached her in time to make a difference. I am frustrated that all she needed was food. WHY did this baby die of hunger merely because her father was too poor to care for her? It angers me. I wonder if anyone even notices she is gone from this earth. I remember and my heart breaks for her.

There is Farofa, the little one I so desperately feel in love with and imagined making part of our family. I cry for him. I wonder if he is alive, has enough food, is healthy, has a warm place to sleep, still able to attend school, and has someone to give him a hug everyday and tell him they love him. I love him and am sad that I can't.

My heart is for the orphan. I see their suffering. My heart longs to care for them. They are so alone. They desperately need love and compassion. They need to be remembered, not forgotten. I long to walk beside them and shelter them against this cruel world. I want to feed them, clothe them, shower affection on them, encourage them, and share with them God's great love and passion for them.

I don't know how to process these loses except to pour them at the feet of Jesus. Thankfully that is the best place for this heartache to be. Here is is safe in the arms of the one who loves and cares the most.